2015: A review!

I'm back! I hope that you all had a magical Christmas! Mine was full of family, food, and wonderful gifts from those I love, I've never been so thankful for the people that I have in my life. Are you looking forward to the New Year? I must admit that after having such a hard year, I've never been so excited to reach the end of one and the beginning of another. 

I know that I've been gone for awhile. I often come back to check on blogs I follow or just to see if I have any inspiration or motivation to create a post myself and although I haven't in past weeks, alas, here I am. 

I'm looking forward to 2016, I really am. I'm looking forward to becoming completely content with my life, I'm so close to being there.I plan to love harder than I have ever loved before, live happier than I have ever dreamed of, travel to many places, read many books, and become the person I have always believedI was. 

2015 was magical in it's own right

I fell hopelessly and unconditionally in love.

I completed my journey in the education system.

I became a fully fledged adult with an actual job.

I photographed my first same sex marriage and it was wonderful.

I began to accept myself for who I am.

I learned to save.

I began to do many things for charity and learned what It was truly like to give to those in need.

2015 was far from perfect, I lost one of the people who meant more to me than anyone else, but that doesn't mean that it was a terrible year.

What did you get up to in 2015?

I want to be a writer

THE DREAM:

I WANT TO BE A WRITER.

THE REALITY:

I AM GOING TO BECOME A WRITER

Hey guys, do you remember me? I know I've been gone for awhile, life happened.

Life can sometimes get in the way of who you want to be, you have bills to pay for, mouths to feed, it makes following your dreams something much harder than you ever expected. Since leaving University and starting work I've pretty much stopped doing most of the things I love, the things that I'm truly passionate about, it's something I shouldn't have let happen, something that I intend to change. I can't help but look at my life an feel incredibly lucky for what I do have, it's something I'll never take for granted, I just never thought that I would find myself in a position that I wouldn't be able to follow my dreams. 

Everything's going to change, those things that have always been important to me will take first priority in my life.

Life can be hard, it throws obstacles into your life that you never expect, sometimes it can be hard to fight your way through this, but these are the things that make you a stronger person, these are the things that ultimately make you who you are.

I have a dream. I mean I have a lot of dreams, but this one is the most important, this is the one that will become a reality, whether it works out the way I want it to or not. 

At the end of 2014/beginning of 2015 I lost myself a little bit, I forgot who I was, I didn't quite know who I wanted to become and which paths in life I wanted to take, but all of that has changed.

I want to become a writer.

I started studying my degree during September of 2012, I always thought that this was the right path for  my life, I always though this was how I was going to become who I wanted to be. I soon noticed that wasn't the case, but I chose to stick at it anyway because I didn't know where to go from there, I'm still a little uncertain. 

I haven't gave my degree the full dedication that I probably should have, this was the first sign that I had made a big mistake. During my final year at University I lost my motivation completely, I found it hard to continue.

One thing in life I hate more than anything is having a lack of motivation, which is something that I have nothing for when it comes to media, but when I think about writing and becoming a writer, well that's a completely different story.

I have began writing a book, it might seem a little random, but it's something I have wanted to do for the longest time. It's still in the REALLY early stages, but I am feeling quite hopeful with the direction in which it's going. 

Where do I go from here?

• Just sit down and write.
• Have a target of 1500 words a day.
• Writing doesn't stop when I leave the house, use my iPhone/iPad to write whilst I am out and about.
• When writing, disconnect from the world, the less distractions the better. 
• Make a drink before I start, the less reasons to procrastinate the better. 
• Spend each day re-reading what I have written the day before.
• 
  

I haven't felt this motivated about something in such a long time, this is the greatest feeling. I'm taking some really big risks with my life right now, although I am not much of a risk taker, this seems necessary. 

This is hopefully going to change who I am as a person, hopefully I will become more driven than I am at the moment, hopefully I will procrastinate less and strive to be the greatest that I can be.

I'll keep you updated.

All the best, Ashleigh

xo

Confidence

Sometimes that I spend a lot of time thinking about is confidence. What does confidence actually mean? And what does it mean to be confident? 

Confidence 

If you asked me a few years ago what I thought it was like to be confident I would have told you how I felt that only the most beautiful of people can be confident, but if you asked me now? It would be a completely different story.

There's more to who you are than just how you look, there's so much more to being confident. I detest how other people feel they have the ability to decide when someone is being overconfident, or when they decide that someone just doesn't have the right to be confident at all. Just because someone doesn't look the way you do, is a different skin colour, a larger or even smaller size than you, doesn't mean that they don't have the right to look and feel confident. Confidence isn't all about your appearance, it's about you as a whole, about how you feel about yourself. 

When I was of school age I found it exceedingly hard to come across as a confident person, mainly because I felt like I didn't have the right to feel confident, I felt ugly in my own skin and that was that. Some people absolutely radiate confidence and although I don't, I do sometimes show my confidence and there's nothing wrong with that, it doesn't mean I love myself, it means I'm becoming happy and confident about who I am, and why shouldn't I be allowed to love myself anyway? I'm probably the most socially awkward person that you will ever meet, which makes coming across as confident quite hard, it doesn't mean I'm not confident, it just means I find it incredibly hard to just put my confidence out there for the whole world to see.

I think that it's important that everyone knows that they have the right to feel confident, no matter who you are, how you act or how you look. I'm currently on a long road, learning to love myself completely, learning everything about myself, becoming familiar with everything about me, and I assure you that once I have reached the end of this journey being confident may be easier for me.

No one in this world will every be perfect, no one, it's all about realising who you are, realising that all of your imperfections are what makes you perfect to who you are. Everyone has flaws, everyone will probably have a huge list of flaws, me included...my thighs, my belly, my nose, my freckles, my hips, then there's being a constant stress head, being fearful, and the list goes on and on. That doesn't mean that I can't learn to love these flaws, it doesn't mean I can't be confident about who I am regardless of these flaws, because I know that although I have so many flaws, I also know that there are so many things about me that I should be confident about .

To have such a soft heart in such a cruel world is strength not weakness. 

Be true to who you are, that's something that I make sure I do every single day of my life. 

I'm shy and uncontrollably socially awkward, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't be confident about who I am.

People judge too much, too harshly, on just about EVERYTHING. Be confident, love who you are, show that you're happy and you don't give a damn what anyone else thinks about that.  

Until next time

xo

Goodbye July, Hello August!

Where is this year going? I'm absolutely amazed about how fast July has passed us by!

So you might be wondering where I have been this past month, wondering why I haven't been posting all that much. Well for me, July brought about a new job that I actually started on Monday, so I'm going into my second week tomorrow. I've spent quite a bit of time with my gorgeous boyfriend, watching an unhealthy amount of films and Babylon 5, as-well as attending a family gathering at The Red Lyon pub in Cheshire, as a last farewell to my beautiful Grandmother. 

I have came to notice that I haven't actually posted a goals post or new month post for quite a while, and again I apologise for that. 

I'm really excited for August, I have actually got a good feeling about this month, which is something that I haven't been able to say for quite a while. It's going to be filled with love, happiness and it's just going to be the best.

July Goals

1. Read 4+ books. There's nothing like a good book and seeing as I have so much travelling ahead of me, I might as well make use of that time.

2. Save, save, save! I've just started a new job (woohoo!) so it's about time I started saving for my future, for my travels.

3. Get active. With all of the time I spend sitting down at work, at home and travelling to work, I really need to become more active in other aspects of my life.

3. 100 films. I've taken it upon myself to challenge myself into watching 100 films in 40 days. I was actually originally going to do this in 30 days, but with how much I work it just wouldn't be possible. 

4. Wake up at 4:30 everyday, 7:30 on days off. It's takes me a ridiculously long time to get to work in a morning, which actually means I have to be up at 4:30 to have enough to get ready and get onto public transport in time. I've began to enjoy waking up early, I love knowing that I haven't wasted my day, so I'll be making sure I'm up early everyday, it just so happens to be ridiculously early on work days. 

5. Don't waste money. I'm incredibly good at wasting money and not having a clue where it's gone. I'm a working lady now, I have a house and bills to pay and wasting my money is the last thing that I want to do.

6. Game a bit more. I absolutely despise that I haven't had the time to game for such a long time, especially now I'm working. I need to find the time to just chill in front of the xbox and play a decent game. 

7. Attend the cinema more. I love films, I especially love going to the cinema. During this month I'm actually planning on buying myself an Unlimited Card for Cineworld, I'm incredibly excited. 

8. Enjoy the little things. Sometimes in life, the little things can be the most amazing things, I need to appreciate everything a lot more.

9. Find the perfect dress. I'm attending a wedding at the beginning of September, I'm super excited, I haven't been to a good wedding for a long time, or at least one that I haven't been working at. 

Be happy.

Well, there you have it, I haven't posted a post like this for awhile, but hopefully I'll manage to keep on top of these a little more.

WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING THIS AUGUST?

A lovely walk along the canal

I'm going to keep this post short and sweet because, well...pictures speak louder than words.

Around a month ago my sister and I took our dog Coco for a lovely walk along the canal at the front of my mums house. I love the amazing things you can find when you really look, when you really take notice, all of the hidden places you can find that you probably wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't really looked.

I love the fact that you can still get high quality photos just from your phone...a photographers best camera is the one that they have with them.

Until next time

xo

I'm moving forward

There are times when I go through phases where I don't blog, I don't even think about blogging. Sometimes I just completely forget, whereas other times I have writers block. Sometimes I leave for a few days, sometimes for a few weeks, and sometimes for a few months, but I'll always come back, always.

I have a little bit of news...I actually have a pretty little job! That I imagine after working 40 hours a week will soon lose the pretty part. Although it's going to mean ridiculously early mornings, long bus journeys, and ridiculously long days, I think I'm okay with that, for now anyway. The time is fast approaching where I can SAVE, SAVE, SAVE! My inner traveller is just excited to burst out, and I can't wait to take myself and my camera away on wonderful adventures where we can take beautiful photos and write blog posts.

The last 3 years of my life have been incredibly long, painful and stressful, and every bad descriptive word that you could ever possibly think of. For the entirety of University I was stuck in such a bad place, and I don't mean because I was involved in a car accident or any of the other bad things that happened during this time...I went through stages of hating everyone and the world around me, but I've made it to the end of that era of my life and I believe myself to be a much better and happier person. I will always consider that to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life, I will always hate that I let society and the educational system determine which direction my life would go in, but I will learn from these mistakes. 

I can be the most inspired and determined person in the entire world, but for that I have to have passion, without the passion the determination and inspiration is not going to be there. I won't seek a career in movie making, I will however try to reconnect the passion I once had, I will try to learn to love media the way I once did.

I do hope to somewhere down the line pursue a career in photography, or travel blogging, or writing. The two biggest things in my life right now are writing and photography, it would be an absolute dream come true to gain a career in these industries, all I can do is work at it, maybe somewhere down the line I will make dreams come true, but for now I will make my dreams of seeing the world come true. 

My story doesn't end here, my story begins here...the future is a wonderful thing full of mysteries. All I can do now is send my CV out everywhere in the hope that someone wants me, in the hope that someone sees my potential and believes in me. 

Life for me right now is about being happy. I'm going to go on some wonderful adventures, hopefully with my camera in hand and the man of my dreams stood by my side. I'm going to take beautiful pictures because that's what I do best. I'm never going to stop dreaming, I'm never going to stop blogging, I'm back and I'm not going anywhere.

Ashleigh
xo 

...be happy

          

1. Push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am.     Go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise

2. Push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. Wake up in the morning feeling re-energised and comfortable. 

3. Get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. Fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. Sit and eat it and do nothing else.

4. Stretch. Start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. Roll your head. Stretch your fingers. Stretch everything.

5. Buy a 1L bottle. Start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.

6. Buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. Write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, tea dates, what you need to do that dat. No detail is too small.

7. Strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. Put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. Make your bed in full.

8. Organise your room. Fold all of your clothes (bag what you don't want and give it to charity), clean your mirror, your laptop, polish the house, vacuum the floor. Light a beautiful candle.

9. Have a luxurious bath with your favourite music playing. Wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. Lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part in between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.

10. Push yourself to go for a walk. Take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. Smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised at how many smile back.

11. Message old friends with personal jokes. Reminisce. Suggest a catch up soon, even if you don't follow through. Push yourself to follow through.

12. Think long and hard about what interests you crime? sex? dragons? magic? art? culture? Find a book about it and read it. There is a book about literally everything.

13. Become the person you could fall in love with. Stick your tongue out at babies. Compliment people. Challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. Then two. Then a week. Walk with a straight posture. Look people in the eye. Ask people about their stories. Talk to acquaintances so they become friends. 

14. Lie in the sunshine. Daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn't a thing. Open your eyes. Take small steps and make it happen for you.

15. Live a life that makes you happy. Love the guy you're with because he is probably the love of your life, you'll never find anyone better than him. Love your family, never forget how much they have done and still do for you, show them you appreciate everything. Spend as much time with your best friend, show her how much she means to you.

Love yourself, love those around you and be happy.

xo

E3: XBOX ONE

It almost seems silly to realise that I haven't yet posted about E3 on my blog yet, but there's no need to fear because that is why I am here right now!

As most gamers know, E3 is the biggest press conference of the years for Xbox and PS4, it's basically Christmas for nerds.

There is so much that I can say about the 2015 E3 press conference, especially where Bethesda is concerned. 

Fallout 4

This game is one we have been anticipating for SO LONG and thank god it's finally landing this November. Fallout 4 looked absolutely fantastic, starting out with a character creation menu that had various similarities to Sims and actually looked like THE best character creation menu that we have EVER seen from Bethesda. The games graphics were just phenomenal, I guess we'd expect that though, right? Now Fallout 3 was and absolutely brilliant game, except from the green wash over everything and I am pleased to tell you that Fallout 4 will NOT have that green wash. We get a customisable feature that allows us to build our own houses and colonies or something which is pretty exciting, I don't really know too much about this, but I'm sure with time I soon will. We also have the companion of a dog, I'm not sure if we can have more than one companion or different companions, but again, in time we will find out. Also, if you're to order the collectors addition of the game you receive a pip boy, A PIP BOY, this is something every Fallout player has dreamed of.

One of the best things about the Fallout 4 announcement was finding out that XBOX ONE users will now be able to transfer mods from the pc to their XBOX and that's just fantastic, I'm not quite sure how it's going to work or how the XBOX is going to handle this but it's still exciting. 

Backwards Compatible 

I was absolutely bouncing off the walls the moment that this was announced, although it really should have been expected. My 360 now makes some awful noises when it's turned on and knowing that we will be able to play the old 360 games that we know and love on the ONE is fantastic. Coming soon will be 100 XBOX 360 games with the backwards compatible feature!

Gears of War

The creators of Gears announced remastered versions of Gears 1 for the XBOX ONE, as well as showing us a little bit of Gears 4 which you could say looked pretty much like most other Gears of War games before it, but that's okay because Gears is amazing. I can't wait to learn more about this game though, I don't feel that I know all that much at the moment.

Halo 5 Guardians

All we saw for this game was basically just a trailer, I have been anticipating this game for so very long, especially being such a Halo fan, but again, I don't really know that much about it

There were a lot of different announcements at the 2015 E3 press conference, more stuff that I have the time to talk about.

XBOX ONE IS ABOUT TO GET A LITTLE BIT MORE INTERESTING!

HALO 4: GUARDIANS. BACKWARDS COMPATIBLE. GEARS OF WAR 4.

FALLOUT 4. HOLOLENSE. DARK SOULS 3.

FABLE LEGENDS. GEARS OF WAR ULTIMATE EDITION.

ELITE GAMING CONTOLLER. CALL OF DUTY: BLACK OPS 3.

XBOX GAMES PREVIEW. EA ACCESS. 

Until next time...

Ashleigh xoxo

I do

This is going to be a super quick post, I have noticed that I haven't posted all that much lately, hopefully that will change! On Wednesday I had the wonderful honour of both attending and photographing my lovely friend Kevin's wedding. This lovely couple married early on Wednesday morning at St George's Hall, Liverpool. 

Here are some lovely photos of the happy couple, some taken at the ceremony, some at St. George's Gardens and some at Liverpool Docs.

I wish the pair of you all the best for the future, I hope you both have a wonderful marriage and life together.

Until next time

Ashleigh xoxo

Stay Strong: Hello June, Goodbye May

Sitting at my dining room table peering through the window next to me, I can't help but find it hard to believe that we've already made it to June, the weather really doesn't look like June weather, but then again, this is England!

Last month I told you how April had been one of the hardest months of my life and I was feeling hopeful for May…May was even worse than April, by a mile!

My beautiful Grandmother was taken to hospital during April of 2015 and in just over a month we found out various horrible things, the worst being that she was fighting a battle with cancer and on the 9th May 2015 my Grandmother unfortunately lost her battle and it has completely broken me as a person.

My family and I suffered a tragic loss, her soul now rests with my wonderful Grandad, I can't help but feel grateful for the last 21 years that I got to spend with her, she was my grandmother, she will always be my grandmother, but now she has been reunited with the love of her life and I will always love and miss her more than words could ever express.

On the 26th of May a funeral was held for my Gran ts Halton Lea Crematorium, saying goodbye to her didn't seem right, nor real, everything happened so fast that is just seemed like a nightmare, I wish that was all it had been.

Finding my happy place is so hard at the moment, I can't seem to find it, no matter how hard I try. My mind forever returns back to my Gran and from that moment onwards all I can do is cry uncontrollably.

Seeing someone you love suffering in such a horrible and painful way is one of the most hardest and heartbreaking things that you could ever experience. I really hope that my Gran is now happy, I hope she's no longer hurting, and most importantly, I hope that she knows how much we adore her, how much she means to us, that we will never, ever stop thinking about her and that we love and miss her dearly.

I'm trying to stay strong, but it's so hard knowing that I will never see her face again, never hear her laugh again, my heart is broken, but I'm so glad that she's no longer in pain.

The reality of it all is that you will grieve forever. You will not get over the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss that you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same again. Nor should you be the same, nor should you want to be.

Goodnight Gran, I love you more than words could ever explain and I miss you dearly.

This isn't goodbye, this is just so long for now because we will meet again one day, send our love to Grandad.

Sleep tight 

xxxx

                                                                                                                                                                        

Looking back on May, aside from all of the bad, I'm finding it incredibly difficult to reflect on the rest of the month, it all seems like such a blur.

My handsome boyfriend and I attending our second NTL screening, which was a play by George Bernard Shaw called Man and Superman.

I was absolutely speechless by the end of this play, it was incredibly remarkable. There was some brilliant talent included within the play and it was incredibly intelligent. 

If you ever have the chance to attend this play, take that chance because you won't be disappointed. 
                                                                                                                                                                        

MAY GOALS

• Wake up in time for the sunrise every morning. I'm actually really excited to fullfill this goal, I often find this a ever growingly hard thing to do, mainly because I'm such a night owl, but I do love mornings, I love the morning feeling (if you ignore the waking up part). - I've almost got this one!
• Read 4+ books. I absolutely adore reading, I have a huge pile of books that I need to make a start on and I hope that during May I have plenty of time to start them.
• Spend loads of time with Granny P. I want to spend as much time with Granny P as possible, I'm so scared of what might happen, I'm so scared of losing her. I have to spend as much time with her as I possibly can because I adore spending time with her. 
• Help Mummy P move home. So my mums finally moving home and town, which is going to suck a little more me, but I'm really excited for her, she deserves and needs this. 
• Work towards achieving my dreams. I'm going to have to see how May pans out before I can fully dedicate myself to working towards this goal this month, fingers crossed that I have the time for this. 
• Make progress of my book. I've started writing a book and I'm quite excited about it, I haven't wrote all too much, but it's going to take some time. 
• End procrastination for good. I'm a master at procrastination, but it's something that irritates me about myself.
• Disconnect from the world when working. This was something that I managed to do last month, I've found it to become quite a positive thing, I get a lot more done without the internet. 
• Blog every week. I love blogging about anything and everything, especially my feelings and what's going on in my life, so expect plenty of posts this month. 
• Visit many book stores and read many books. As I've said, I love reading, adore it actually, I can't wait for this one. 
• Be happy. Happiness is the most important thing in this life

During May I began to find it incredibly difficult to stick to my goals, life was out of my hands and I couldn't determine the way the month was going to pan out, but this just means some of  May's goals will be returning as June's goals.
                                                                                                                                                                        

JUNE  GOALS

• Wake up in time for the sunrise every morning. I'm actually really excited to fullfill this goal, I often find this a ever growingly hard thing to do, mainly because I'm such a night owl, but I do love mornings, I love the morning feeling (if you ignore the waking up part).
• Gain myself a job. This is the only thing that I now need in my life to make myself pretty much perfect. Plus, once I've done this, I can start saving to travel!
• Read 4+ books. I absolutely adore reading, I have a huge pile of books that I need to make a start on and I hope that during May I have plenty of time to start them.
• Celebrate my Mother's Birthday. My mum turns 50 this year, although she'd hate me for telling you that! We have to make this Birthday the best one yet, especially with all of the bad that happened last month.
• Work towards achieving my dreams. I'm going to have to see how May pans out before I can fully dedicate myself to working towards this goal this month, fingers crossed that I have the time for this. 
• Make more progress of my book. I've started writing a book and I'm quite excited about it, I haven't wrote all too much, but it's going to take some time. 
• End procrastination for good. I'm a master at procrastination, but it's something that irritates me about myself.
• Finish sorting out my room. I've only just started making my room my own, it's becoming my own little escape from the world, my little hide out. I've been surrounding myself with memories, pictures and quotes of things I love. 
• Disconnect from the world when working. This was something that I managed to do last month, I've found it to become quite a positive thing, I get a lot more done without the internet. 
• Blog every week. I love blogging about anything and everything, especially my feelings and what's going on in my life, so expect plenty of posts this month. 
• Visit many book stores and read many books. As I've said, I love reading, adore it actually, I can't wait for this one. 
• Be happy. Happiness is the most important thing in this life

I honestly hope that June gives me a funner ride than April and May because I cannot handle another bad month.

I pray that June is a better month that May.

I pray for no more bad news, I can't handle anymore bad news.

I pray that everything in my life will work out.

I pray that life gets better.

I hope June ends up being all you hope for it to be

Signing off

Ash.

xx

Be Brave: Hello May - Rant, Reflection and Goal Setting

Hey there May, how's it going? I've been waiting for you anxiously, it's rather nice to see you to be honest! 

April has been one of the hardest months of my entire life. I would honestly like to feel hopeful that May is going to throw some good news and positivity my way, but with all of the heartbreak that I have endured during April I can't really see that happening, I will try to be hopeful. 

So like I just said, April has honestly been one of the hardest months that I have ever lived through, the hardest since the passing of Grandaddy P. Honestly, it breaks my heart knowing how much pain Granny P is in at the moment, it's breaking me down. I know that I have to stay strong for her, I know that every time I see her beautiful face I have to be brave, I have to show her that it's not killing me inside, even though it is. 

I've spent so much of April breaking down emotionally that I'm struggling to find my happy place, I'm struggling to remember a time before this, it feels like we've been living with this for longer than we have. People often tell you to prepare yourself for the worst when a situation like this occurs, but I don't think that's possible at all, you can expect something but the moment that it actually happens it's going to break your heart, possibly and probably more than you thought it was going to, it doesn't matter that you've tried to avoid feeling like that. 

I pray every single day that Granny P will recover, I pray that her pain will vanish and that she will become the Granny P that my family adore and miss so very, very much. I pray that we aren't going to lose her because I don't know what I would do or who I would be without her, I don't know how I would get past that. For as long as I have lived I had always thought of her as invincible, even through the passing of my Granddad. I never once thought I would ever lose her, she was always my invincible Grandmother. 

Family is the most important thing in this world, more important that money, power and pride, it comes hand and hand with happiness. Family is my happy place and right now it's broken and I pray that it's not broken beyond repair. Remember the good times, that's what everyone tells you, but it's not that simple.

I'm going to be honest with you straight away, I didn't check up on my goals at all during April and I doubt that I've completed many of them, hopefully May will be a better month.

APRIL GOALS

• Fix my sleeping pattern.
• Wake up in time for the sunrise as often as I can.
• Read 4 books.
• Decorate Easter Eggs.
• Bake Easter Egg cupcakes.
• Work towards achieving my dreams. 
• Complete 4 chapters of my book.
• End procrastination for good.
• Disconnect from the world when working.
• Fly a kite.
• Complete the 'walk in her shoes' challenge. 
• Blog every week.
• Visit many book stores and read many books
• Visit a farmers market.
• Pick fresh berries.
• Be happy. 

I told you I didn't complete much, I'm honestly surprised that I completed anything!

MAY GOALS

• Wake up in time for the sunrise every morning. I'm actually really excited to fullfill this goal, I often find this a ever growingly hard thing to do, mainly because I'm such a night owl, but I do love mornings, I love the morning feeling (if you ignore the waking up part).
• Read 4+ books. I absolutely adore reading, I have a huge pile of books that I need to make a start on and I hope that during May I have plenty of time to start them.
• Spend loads of time with Granny P. I want to spend as much time with Granny P as possible, I'm so scared of what might happen, I'm so scared of losing her. I have to spend as much time with her as I possibly can because I adore spending time with her. 
• Help Mummy P move home. So my mums finally moving home and town, which is going to suck a little more me, but I'm really excited for her, she deserves and needs this. 
• Work towards achieving my dreams. I'm going to have to see how May pans out before I can fully dedicate myself to working towards this goal this month, fingers crossed that I have the time for this. 
• Make progress of my book. I've started writing a book and I'm quite excited about it, I haven't wrote all too much, but it's going to take some time. 
• End procrastination for good. I'm a master at procrastination, but it's something that irritates me about myself.
• Disconnect from the world when working. This was something that I managed to do last month, I've found it to become quite a positive thing, I get a lot more done without the internet. 
• Blog every week. I love blogging about anything and everything, especially my feelings and what's going on in my life, so expect plenty of posts this month. 
• Visit many book stores and read many books. As I've said, I love reading, adore it actually, I can't wait for this one. 
• Be happy. Happiness is the most important thing in this life. 

I can't help but apologise for my emotional breakdown at the beginning of this post, but if you know me personally or you have experienced something like this then you will know what I am going through and how I am feeling.

I pray that May is a better month than April.

I pray for no more bad news, I can't handle anymore bad news.

I pray Granny P recovers.

I pray life gets better.

Have a lovely month,

Ash. xx