Life goes on

I haven't blogged for awhile, so I feel like now is a good time to do so!

A lot has changed since we last spoke, my whole life has completely changed and is this for the better? I honestly couldn't tell you…

The past few weeks I have felt so down with everything, I've been trying to get myself out of this mess I am stuck in and it's so hard. What makes this even harder is that people don't seem to care enough to understand and that just infuriates me. All I have ever wanted in life is to be happy and I can't help but wonder why this is so hard. I hate how things are always rooting against me, waiting, for me to fail… I won't fail, that's the last thing I will ever do, I will never give up. 

My plan is to completely throw myself into University, it's the only thing that matters right now, people always leave, and they always leave too quickly and without a care. The one thing that is always going to be there is my career and my dreams and it's time to make them happen. I'm fed up of over analysing every single aspect of my life, over and over again, never resolving anything and always worrying, thing's need to change, and I know this, it's the only way I can be happy.

My anxieties have got increasingly worse as of lately and it really does suck because it's affecting everything, too much. I will make it my aim to fix this, I can't continue being the socially awkward person that I am, I will change that, in my own time. One thing I wont change is who I am as a person, my identity, I like to game and I love nothing more than indulging myself in a television show, and that's never going to change, that's what I enjoy doing and as you all as my witness I will not change that for anything or anyone, it's one of the few joys that I get out of life. 

I hate growing up, I just want time to slow down or even rewind, I want to go back to when life was simple, when I didn't worry or stress. I'm fed up of being a ticking time bomb of stress, I hate it more than anything. 

Dreams are the only thing that gets me through each waking day, until the day progresses that is, when I begin to worry if they will ever come true, worry if I have the power to turn these dreams into reality. 

I can't wait to get the ball rolling and get a house with my lovely bestest, it's going to be amazing, it's the first step in a long line of things that will make me happy…

Until next time! 

xo

Day Ten: Ten Things I Love About Me...

Sept 10th: List 10 things that you love about yourself! Let's kick that negative self-talk outta here!

I was actually debating skipping this post. I've been siting here for a long while just staring at a blank page, this is by far the hardest post so far. I am constantly at war with myself, there's not that much I like about myself, never mind love about myself. I have tried everyday to love myself, I thought that maybe one day it would just happen. I have vowed to try harder to love myself do things that make me happy, dress in a way that makes me happy and hopefully that positivity will rub off on the way I feel about myself, so I sort of felt like the first step was to take part in this post.

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind"
- Bernard M. Baruch

I'm socially awkward, self conscious and have far too many anxieties to count. 

Ten Things That I Love About Myself

1. My Eyes, I have heterochromia and I spent so long thinking I wasn't normal because of it. Since I've grown up a lot of people actually comment on how much they love my eyes and how jealous they are, it makes me feel quite thankful to be honest. 

2. I'm a good person…everything I do in life is with the best intentions and I would never do anything to hurt anybody, I care a lot about people.

3. My tattoo, although I only have one (for the moment) but ever since getting it I have felt a little bit more confident…people tap me on the shoulder just to tell me how amazing it is, they don't know how happy that makes me feel. 

4. My photography and videography skills. There aren't many things that I believe to be good at but, I know I am good at this, I feel extremely thankful to the first person who introduced me to cameras because I haven't been able to put them down since that moment, and I have progressed so much. 

5. My imagination. I try and escape reality all of the time, I much prefer living in my head…I often get a little lost, believing in fairytales, forgetting what's reality and what's not. I like getting lost in my own imagination. 

6. I crack a mean joke: I find myself funny, most people laugh at how unfunny they find me but, I think I am hilarious… 
"Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?"
"Because he had nobody to go with…"
"Why do daleks eat apples?"
"Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away…"

There's plenty more where that came from!


7. I love my own company. I love nothing more than to spend a night by myself playing on the xbox, watching Netflix, blogging and reading. 

8. My ability to see the good in everything and everyone, this pretty much speaks for itself. No matter who you are, everyone has the ability to be good, they just choose whether to be or not to be.

9. I love my music taste. Whenever I am feeling down I just listen to music and it cheers me up straight away…tell me that these beauty's wouldn't cheer you up!

10. My love of the world and all that's in it. I love the world, I think it's the most beautiful thing that's ever been created, I can't wait to pack up with my camera in my bag and go and explore it. 

It's nice to look at yourself and think about all the positive things, what do you love about yourself?

xo

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