I want to be a writer

THE DREAM:

I WANT TO BE A WRITER.

THE REALITY:

I AM GOING TO BECOME A WRITER

Hey guys, do you remember me? I know I've been gone for awhile, life happened.

Life can sometimes get in the way of who you want to be, you have bills to pay for, mouths to feed, it makes following your dreams something much harder than you ever expected. Since leaving University and starting work I've pretty much stopped doing most of the things I love, the things that I'm truly passionate about, it's something I shouldn't have let happen, something that I intend to change. I can't help but look at my life an feel incredibly lucky for what I do have, it's something I'll never take for granted, I just never thought that I would find myself in a position that I wouldn't be able to follow my dreams. 

Everything's going to change, those things that have always been important to me will take first priority in my life.

Life can be hard, it throws obstacles into your life that you never expect, sometimes it can be hard to fight your way through this, but these are the things that make you a stronger person, these are the things that ultimately make you who you are.

I have a dream. I mean I have a lot of dreams, but this one is the most important, this is the one that will become a reality, whether it works out the way I want it to or not. 

At the end of 2014/beginning of 2015 I lost myself a little bit, I forgot who I was, I didn't quite know who I wanted to become and which paths in life I wanted to take, but all of that has changed.

I want to become a writer.

I started studying my degree during September of 2012, I always thought that this was the right path for  my life, I always though this was how I was going to become who I wanted to be. I soon noticed that wasn't the case, but I chose to stick at it anyway because I didn't know where to go from there, I'm still a little uncertain. 

I haven't gave my degree the full dedication that I probably should have, this was the first sign that I had made a big mistake. During my final year at University I lost my motivation completely, I found it hard to continue.

One thing in life I hate more than anything is having a lack of motivation, which is something that I have nothing for when it comes to media, but when I think about writing and becoming a writer, well that's a completely different story.

I have began writing a book, it might seem a little random, but it's something I have wanted to do for the longest time. It's still in the REALLY early stages, but I am feeling quite hopeful with the direction in which it's going. 

Where do I go from here?

• Just sit down and write.
• Have a target of 1500 words a day.
• Writing doesn't stop when I leave the house, use my iPhone/iPad to write whilst I am out and about.
• When writing, disconnect from the world, the less distractions the better. 
• Make a drink before I start, the less reasons to procrastinate the better. 
• Spend each day re-reading what I have written the day before.
• 
  

I haven't felt this motivated about something in such a long time, this is the greatest feeling. I'm taking some really big risks with my life right now, although I am not much of a risk taker, this seems necessary. 

This is hopefully going to change who I am as a person, hopefully I will become more driven than I am at the moment, hopefully I will procrastinate less and strive to be the greatest that I can be.

I'll keep you updated.

All the best, Ashleigh

xo

A Letter To My Future Self

A letter to Granny A.

Dearest Ashleigh,

How's life been treating you? I hope the years have been kind to you, I know that you always feared growing old, I want you to know that if you're holding onto any grudges or if you have any regrets, then you should let them go, life's too short. I'm writing to you in the year of 2015, some would say this is the prime of your life, you've just turned 21 and I believe a lot will have changed since then.

2015 was the year that you moved into a new house with your dearest friend Stacey, the year you had a fresh start, I don't know how much of it you will remember, but at this moment in time you're absolutely loving it. You've been living here for nearly 3 months, I'm not going to lie to you and say that it has been easy, but know that this has been one of the best years of your life so far. How is Stacey by the way? I hope that she's still in your life, she should always be in your life, I'm not quite sure how you'd cope without her. This was the time in your life that you found out more about your bestfriend than you ever thought possible.

All through your childhood and young adulthood you found it quite hard to fully accept who you were and who you were always going to be, know that being at war with yourself for so long was one of your biggest flaws, know that you should have never hated yourself so intensely. I'd like to think that by now you fully appreciate yourself, you're worth so much more than you once thought.

You get addicted to things, quite easily actually, you have quite the addictive personality. You could literally watch Netflix none stop, for days on end, marathoning your way through Television Shows like there's no tomorrow. You currently have 3 different xbox consoles, you absolutely love to game, it's your way of switching yourself off from the world, you're known as the "geeky" friend. You drink a lot of water, I really do mean a lot, they say it's healthy to drink water, but probably not the amount you currently drink.

You find it quite hard to be alone, especially being alone in your home, it's something you haven't quite got the hang of. You sometimes find it incredibly hard to sleep at a reasonable time, although you love the morning, you love gazing at the sunrise, sometimes you just don't have the choice but to miss out on that, you have sleep tremors, usually more often than you don't. The world is something you love, you can't wait to travel, to explore the beauty that it holds, I hope that's something you managed to do, I know that if you didn't then that's probably something that you now regret.

You have an introverted personality, people often don't understand, most just think you're rude and that hurts to know. Talking to new people can often be hard for you, but you have the most wonderful friends in your life right now, you also have such an amazing boyfriend. OH YES! You have a boyfriend! How did that one work out? Was it the 'one' ? I hope so, I truly do. You've never been as happy in a relationship as you are at this present moment, you've never connected with someone so deeply, never had so much in common with one individual, don't ruin that, don't let that one get away. You're so loving, you care so deeply about so much, you risk your feelings too much and get hurt even more.

You're quite restless, you always feel like you should be doing something. You adore blogging, you've actually nearly been blogging for a year now, so congratulations! I hope that this never stops, this makes you so happy! You love music, I mean really love music, you absolutely adore Taylor Swift, she's your role model, she's always been your role model and you love her so intensely. You love McFly, they are your boys, a few years ago they joined up with James Bourne and Matt Willis to create the ultimate supergroup, McBusted, it's a wonderful experience, something you'll never forget, don't ever forget.

You've grown up so much in the past few years, you're so much wiser than your age.

You want to be a writer, a director, a zoo keeper, a singer, a photographer, a columnist, a time traveler, a forensic anthropologist and a demon hunter…I don't think you actually know what you want to be, but a writer seems to be the winning idea for you. You're a dreamer and a believer. You believe that time travel will one day be possible, you believe in extra terrestrial life, you believe in many conspiracies, in fact, you're practically Hodgins from Bones. You are kind, you believe that being kind is the greatest legacy that you can leave behind, you've been doing so much for charity lately, I hope that's something that never stops.

How's the family? I really do hope that everything worked out with you and Mike because you should never be alone Granny A, and he's so incredibly perfect. You find losing loved ones to be one of the hardest things in the world, you're not strong, not at all. Earlier this month, April 2015, your dearest Grandmother was sent to hospital, you were right to worry from day one, she's incredibily sick and you're currently incredibly heartbroken, I hope that everything will be okay because I know that you're going to hurt so much if it's not. Losing your Grandad was the hardest thing that you have ever had to experience, sometimes I look back and wonder how you made it past that moment in time, but you did and it was so hard. Think positive.

Remember 2015 as the year that was going incredibly awesome, apart from a few things, remember it as the year you truly understood what it was like to run your own house, the year you fell in love harder than you ever thought possible, and the year you made so many plans for the future.

I'll be seeing you Granny A, until we meet again…

Your dearest self, Ashleigh.
Aged 21.
11/04/2015

P.S. NEVER FORGET WHO YOU ARE.

2015 IN PICTURES
BECAUSE PICTURES SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.