Time is precious

If I were to received a pound for every time I logged on here and began writing a post, only to delete everything I've wrote and close it, I would be UNBEARABLY rich. I absolutely adore blogging, it's one of my favourite things to do, but sometimes I wonder whether I actually have enough to talk about to continue to keep my blog alive, to continue to keep it interesting enough for people to come here and read. I just worry that I don't have the imagination to create wonderfully interesting reads. 

I'm finding that most of the time I'm struggling to find the time to come here and talk to you, my life has been taken over by work, and when I'm not working I'm most likely reading, or catching up on TV shows. I just never seem to have enough time to do all the things that I so desperately want and need to do in my life. 

The last year of my life and more so the last few months I've found myself falling into that horrible pattern that nobody wants to fall into. I wake up, I go to work, where I'm barely even treated like a human being with feelings, I then get home with barely enough time to eat, and then head off to bed. When I get home I'm lucky if I get to have some form of interaction with my other half, which is completely insane considering that we live together! I swear I don't see why I'm paying for a mortgage, I'm out of the house more than I'm in it. 

Hell is repetition, and my life is repetition. 

There's so much I use to want to do with my life, still so much that I want to do. I miss the times where I had the spare money and spare time to not work in a horrible stuffy office, instead I would get to run around with my camera and be crazy creative. 

When I was in University I would have gave anything for it to be over, for me to finally enter the real world with my degree and find a wonderful job that I could fall in love with. Little did I know the real world was never how I pictured it, how people told me it was going to be. No one ever told me it was going to be this hard, no one told me that no one would care about all I've put myself through in order to try and be the best version of me. I always thought that once completing University I would actually be able to fall into the career of my dreams. 

Work, bills, work, bills. MY ENTIRE LIFE. 

My partner and I have booked a trip to Rome very shortly, and I'm more excited about this than I have been about anything in such a long time. I can't wait to spend an entire 5 days in awe staring at the beautiful historical structures that will be standing before me, to be running around with my camera and not having a care in the world. I will completely be in my element, having my camera in my hand and my soul mate by my side. I've literally left myself completely broke in order to book this trip because it was the only way as I have less money now than I have ever had. That's completely hilarious considering this is my first 'real' job, my first real job and I have no money. 

I love certain aspects of my life, I really do. Actually, I love every small detail about my life, aside from the pathetic excuse of a job I currently have. I'm not saying this is an awful job, I'm not saying that people can't enjoy it because it really isn't the worst thing in the world. Honestly, it's just the kind of thing I always said I would never do, it's not the kind of thing that I've worked my entire life  I have a naturally creative mind and not one thing about this job fits my personality. I actually feel like my talents are going to waste, and I'm stuck here now, I don't know what the hell to do to get out, to get out there and do what I was destined to do, be the person I'm truly meant to be. 

In ways my life is a lot more than I thought it would be at this point, I have a wonderful partner, family, and even extended family. I am surrounded by the most wonderful people, people that I find inspirational and just love more than words can express, especially my wonderful better half. I just wish I wasn't stuck in a job I can't stand, I wish it was easy to escape into something that will fill my days with happiness. 

My hun and I 

I'm moving forward

There are times when I go through phases where I don't blog, I don't even think about blogging. Sometimes I just completely forget, whereas other times I have writers block. Sometimes I leave for a few days, sometimes for a few weeks, and sometimes for a few months, but I'll always come back, always.

I have a little bit of news...I actually have a pretty little job! That I imagine after working 40 hours a week will soon lose the pretty part. Although it's going to mean ridiculously early mornings, long bus journeys, and ridiculously long days, I think I'm okay with that, for now anyway. The time is fast approaching where I can SAVE, SAVE, SAVE! My inner traveller is just excited to burst out, and I can't wait to take myself and my camera away on wonderful adventures where we can take beautiful photos and write blog posts.

The last 3 years of my life have been incredibly long, painful and stressful, and every bad descriptive word that you could ever possibly think of. For the entirety of University I was stuck in such a bad place, and I don't mean because I was involved in a car accident or any of the other bad things that happened during this time...I went through stages of hating everyone and the world around me, but I've made it to the end of that era of my life and I believe myself to be a much better and happier person. I will always consider that to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life, I will always hate that I let society and the educational system determine which direction my life would go in, but I will learn from these mistakes. 

I can be the most inspired and determined person in the entire world, but for that I have to have passion, without the passion the determination and inspiration is not going to be there. I won't seek a career in movie making, I will however try to reconnect the passion I once had, I will try to learn to love media the way I once did.

I do hope to somewhere down the line pursue a career in photography, or travel blogging, or writing. The two biggest things in my life right now are writing and photography, it would be an absolute dream come true to gain a career in these industries, all I can do is work at it, maybe somewhere down the line I will make dreams come true, but for now I will make my dreams of seeing the world come true. 

My story doesn't end here, my story begins here...the future is a wonderful thing full of mysteries. All I can do now is send my CV out everywhere in the hope that someone wants me, in the hope that someone sees my potential and believes in me. 

Life for me right now is about being happy. I'm going to go on some wonderful adventures, hopefully with my camera in hand and the man of my dreams stood by my side. I'm going to take beautiful pictures because that's what I do best. I'm never going to stop dreaming, I'm never going to stop blogging, I'm back and I'm not going anywhere.

Ashleigh
xo 

I want to break free

I feel like I'm trapped in one moment in time, nothing new happening, nothing to look forward to. It's just the same thing day in and day out, I need to get away…

I need to travel. I need to see what the world has to offer! I need to get out of my situation. All I want to do is start my life and I just can't.

The world is so big, so beautiful and I am stuck in this little town with nothing interesting every happening. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like for me if I was to live in a different country…maybe I would still feel the same, maybe I wouldn't.

It's hard to look around me and see everyone with their life planned out in front of them, with their jobs, their houses and children. It makes me wonder whether staying in education and going to university was a good idea. It has resulted in me not being able to start my life and that's all I want to do right now, I want to be free. I hate having to worry about getting assignments in on time and the one thing I cannot wait for is to not have to worry about getting an assignment in on time, it has resulted in so much stress. If there's one thing I hate about education it would be the fact that you're not free until it's over, you have to take your work home with you and you never, ever get a break…I need a break. I need to be able to feel stable and happy, with no stress. I hope that's what comes once I have graduated, I hope this isn't a permanent feeling. I have never in my life been so stressed over something as I have over university.

It sucks noticing how my life has nowhere near started in comparison to others. Those who didn't attend university now have jobs and children and for me? If that was to happen right now I would feel far too young, but I am 20 now and I think I forget that. We're not 16 anymore.

I'm going into my final year at University next month, it has absolutely flew by but it has been the most stressful experience of my entire life and I hope to never feel this much stress again, ever in my life. This is the end, it's finally going to be over! I mean I have enjoyed it, but by God have I hated it too.

I'm just looking forward to what the future has to hold, I'm looking forward to being free, having the time to relax and not worry about having that one assignment done on time. I can't wait to travel the world.

My life is about to begin and I hope the world is ready for me...
xo