Time is precious

If I were to received a pound for every time I logged on here and began writing a post, only to delete everything I've wrote and close it, I would be UNBEARABLY rich. I absolutely adore blogging, it's one of my favourite things to do, but sometimes I wonder whether I actually have enough to talk about to continue to keep my blog alive, to continue to keep it interesting enough for people to come here and read. I just worry that I don't have the imagination to create wonderfully interesting reads. 

I'm finding that most of the time I'm struggling to find the time to come here and talk to you, my life has been taken over by work, and when I'm not working I'm most likely reading, or catching up on TV shows. I just never seem to have enough time to do all the things that I so desperately want and need to do in my life. 

The last year of my life and more so the last few months I've found myself falling into that horrible pattern that nobody wants to fall into. I wake up, I go to work, where I'm barely even treated like a human being with feelings, I then get home with barely enough time to eat, and then head off to bed. When I get home I'm lucky if I get to have some form of interaction with my other half, which is completely insane considering that we live together! I swear I don't see why I'm paying for a mortgage, I'm out of the house more than I'm in it. 

Hell is repetition, and my life is repetition. 

There's so much I use to want to do with my life, still so much that I want to do. I miss the times where I had the spare money and spare time to not work in a horrible stuffy office, instead I would get to run around with my camera and be crazy creative. 

When I was in University I would have gave anything for it to be over, for me to finally enter the real world with my degree and find a wonderful job that I could fall in love with. Little did I know the real world was never how I pictured it, how people told me it was going to be. No one ever told me it was going to be this hard, no one told me that no one would care about all I've put myself through in order to try and be the best version of me. I always thought that once completing University I would actually be able to fall into the career of my dreams. 

Work, bills, work, bills. MY ENTIRE LIFE. 

My partner and I have booked a trip to Rome very shortly, and I'm more excited about this than I have been about anything in such a long time. I can't wait to spend an entire 5 days in awe staring at the beautiful historical structures that will be standing before me, to be running around with my camera and not having a care in the world. I will completely be in my element, having my camera in my hand and my soul mate by my side. I've literally left myself completely broke in order to book this trip because it was the only way as I have less money now than I have ever had. That's completely hilarious considering this is my first 'real' job, my first real job and I have no money. 

I love certain aspects of my life, I really do. Actually, I love every small detail about my life, aside from the pathetic excuse of a job I currently have. I'm not saying this is an awful job, I'm not saying that people can't enjoy it because it really isn't the worst thing in the world. Honestly, it's just the kind of thing I always said I would never do, it's not the kind of thing that I've worked my entire life  I have a naturally creative mind and not one thing about this job fits my personality. I actually feel like my talents are going to waste, and I'm stuck here now, I don't know what the hell to do to get out, to get out there and do what I was destined to do, be the person I'm truly meant to be. 

In ways my life is a lot more than I thought it would be at this point, I have a wonderful partner, family, and even extended family. I am surrounded by the most wonderful people, people that I find inspirational and just love more than words can express, especially my wonderful better half. I just wish I wasn't stuck in a job I can't stand, I wish it was easy to escape into something that will fill my days with happiness. 

My hun and I 

The End Is Nigh

Yesterday I received my invitation to my graduation…

On the 14th July 2015 I will be walking through the doors at The Anglican Cathedral in Liverpool with the biggest grin on my face you will ever see. This is the day I have been anticipating for my entire life, the day I get up in front of many people, some faces familiar, some not, and receive my degree.

It's not news to you that I have hated every single second of my degree, but that doesn't stop me being unbelievably excited to graduate with my BSC in Broadcast and Media Production, it doesn't stop me feeling like I have achieved something, something that will make my loved ones proud.

Ever since the first moment I walked through the doors at the LJMU Byrom Street Campus, the one thing I wasn't looking forward to was graduation. This was mainly due to the fact that before this comes all of the hard work that gets you the degree, the constant battling with assignments and stress induced rage, not to mention the hell that is your final year project and dissertation...

I think this is the first moment I have been able to look past this, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the final hurdle and I am so ready. I'm so excited to see what my life has to offer, I'm so happy to finally be able to get myself into a situation where I am happy and not constantly stressing over the mountain of assignments surrounding me.

It's time for me to get stuck in, it's time for me to make my future happen, to make sure I have a life that I can be truly happy with, the days are coming that I won't forget and I am so ready.

Roll on July 14th 2015! I AM READY!

Watch out world, I'm coming for you!

Until next time

xoxo

Motivation is the golden key to success

I've always been someone who doesn't usually force things to happen, I often sit on the sidelines waiting for things to happen, slowly and surely I have been changing this…

University is hard and I honestly wish I had chosen a completely different degree, but I'm now nearly 2 and a half years through my 3 year degree and there's no point failing at the final hurdle. For the entirety of my time at University I have been finding it growingly difficult to become motivated and excited to complete all of my assignments,  I have finally found this motivation…better late than never right? A couple of months back I got the idea into my head of becoming a College Tutor/University Lecturer of Media, but the one thing I didn't do when I was thinking about it was choose to do anything about it…I have just finished filling out my UCAS application for a Postgraduate Teacher Training course at Edge Hill University and I can honestly say I have never been more excited about something in my life. I feel that doing this, choosing to make the decision and actually do something about it, has really given me the motivation to complete my current degree to the best of my abilities, with nothing holding me back…it's time to charge straight ahead!

So, like the title of this blog post says, motivation is the golden key to success. This is a statement that I truly believe, I feel that if you're not motivated you can NOT succeed, you need the motivation to guide you towards the succeeding. 

Speaking about motivation, for my entire life I have hated me and I cannot think of one time or point in my life where I did not. I've been trying ti like myself, even if it's just a little bit, apparently you can't love someone else unless you learn to love yourself, which I kind of agree with, how can you expect someone to love you if you do not love yourself? You wouldn't expect someone to do something you wouldn't do, so why expect them to do this? Anyway…getting a little sidetracked over here. As I was saying, motivation, hating myself, yes, so…(sorry about the rambling) I'm going to take it upon myself to lose weight, to help get to a stage where I might like myself a little. I love going to the gym, I really do, but when I started going, I did stop after a few months, not because I didn't want to go, more because I got distracted, I was busy and once I fell out of the routine I found it so hard to get back into it. The difference I will have this time is the fact that I will have the motivation, I have that on my side and with that, how can I fail? 

Things will change, I'm going to be posting a little list of things I aim to achieve in the next however long…I often post monthly goals onto this blog, but these will be different goals, these will take much longer to achieve, but I will never give up.

Make sure that everything you do in life is for you because if it's not you will never, ever stick to it.

Until next time 

xo 

Day Five: The biggest love of my life

Sept 5th: "I am passionate about ______________. "

My truest passion in the entire world is capturing moments and documenting life. I as an individual consider myself to be nothing without a camera in my hands. 

"To be successful, the first thing to do is fall in love with your work." Sister Mary Lauretta

For my entire life I have spent so long trying to find something that I am truly passionate about. Something that truly sparks the creativity inside of me and makes me want to achieve great things. I felt this passion the first time I held a video camera in my hands. Ever since that very first moment I haven't been able to live my life without the ability to create art in the form of the moving image.

Just under a year ago I purchased one of my most prized possessions, my DSLR. Purchasing this (mainly for videography purposes) sparked a new passion inside of me, that passion being photography. Ever since that moment, I have grown so much as a photographer.

I used to look around me at people enjoying life because they had found their truest passion, and to say I was jealous of this would be an understatement. Now I look around me and see the world in a different way, I see all of the beauty and opportunities that the world has to offer, and I'd hate to see it any other way.

What am I passionate about?

- Freezing time in the form of photography.

- Documenting life.

- Bringing my imagination to life in form of videography.

- Learning about new cultures.

- Traveling the world.

- Watching as many films as humanly possible.

- Living life to it's fullest

- Being happy.

Everyone is passionate about something, no matter who you are…what's your passion?

xo

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Things are looking up!

It's crazy to think that it's now September, August and the whole of summer has just flew by, it's just passed me by without a notice. Looking back on the previous month it's so weird because some parts seem like they happened forever ago, but some feel like they happened just yesterday.

September beginning means the beginning of the next educational year, so the return to university. I have spent a lot of the summer period feeling bored and just like I haven't really been doing anything worthwhile. I mean, don't get me wrong, there have been some days where i have worked my ass off doing various freelance work for clients and I've really enjoyed that, apart from that I have just been so fed up.

When it's the end of the university year I get really excited for summer, but after about a month I feel really fed up with it. So I'm pretty much excited to go back to university, I can't wait to start feeling productive again.

I would be lying to say that I am not terrified about the fact that this is my last year at uni, this if the first time in my entire life where I don't know what the future holds, I don't know where I am going to be a year from now. The ideas of entering the real world terrified me, yet excites me at the same time, it's all I have wanted for so long. This year is going to be the year I work my hardest and truly make the most of the student life.

My dissertation is by far the most important part of my degree and it's going to be a really different project to take on, especially knowing i can create anything and bring one of my ideas to life.

Aside from university, over the past few days I've actually been getting a lot of freelance photography and videography work for the future which I can't wait to do. Some of it will be really different because it's something i haven't done before so I can't wait for the new experiences. I'm actually photographing a wedding on Friday, i find weddings so magical and being such a hopeless romantic I find weddings to be the closest thing possible in life to a fairytale and I just cannot wait.

Here's my showreel for 2014 so far!

I've really been enjoying building up my portfolio, it's nice to know that I am doing something that makes me happy but makes other people happy too.

xo

Nothing lasts forever

I've just this week applied for my student finance, for the last time. It's actually really scary knowing that this is my final year at Uni.

I'm really worried about it to be honest, not just because I'll be finishing my degree and entering the big bad world, but because of how important my final year it.

I'm scared that I won't come out with the degree I want, I don't want to disappoint myself and most importantly my family.

The month of August is just around the corner and I haven't yet got a solid idea for my dissertation. It's not that I am short of ideas; it's more that I have far too many ideas and just can't settle on one. I need to choose the best one, the one I can do the greatest and it's the hardest thing choosing, especially when I'm not really a decision maker.

I need my dissertation to be the greatest work I have ever created. I want it to be something that makes me proud to call it my work, The film length must be at least 20 minutes; I find it so hard working with such specific lengths because it just means I can't do specific things.

I hate having all of these worries, the worrying of University, money and life in general. The future absolutely terrifies me. I am so afraid of the unknown. I mean don't get me wrong, I am excited to see what the future holds for me, but I'm so scared of filming out at the same time. I wish that I didn't have all of these worries. I wish I was still a little kid, running around without a care in the world. I don't think we knew how lucky we were. I'd give anything to go back, to not have all of this stress on my shoulders. I wish I had never grown up.

As a child all I ever wanted to do was grow up, but now I have reached the stage where I would give anything to go back. How were we to know that life would be like this? How were we to know that it would be so hard and challenging? I miss the freedom, seeing my friends all of the time and nor caring about how much money was in my pocket.

WHY CAN'T LIFE JUST BE SIMPLE?

I mean, I'm not complaining, well maybe I am just a little, but life is good right now, it really is. It's better than it has been in a long time, but I'm still so scared. I'm just a natural worrier. I can't help it, I worry about anything and everything. I'm actually quite a negative person, although not a lot of people will notice that. I'm really pessimistic. I can never look forward to the good things because I always worry about it going wrong, surely that's better than being disappointed? At least if I think negatively then I wont be too disheartened.

I hope to enjoy life more in the future, I just need my life to pan out the way I want it too, I need to know what's going to happen in the future, then I can start enjoying it.
xo