The End Is Nigh

Yesterday I received my invitation to my graduation…

On the 14th July 2015 I will be walking through the doors at The Anglican Cathedral in Liverpool with the biggest grin on my face you will ever see. This is the day I have been anticipating for my entire life, the day I get up in front of many people, some faces familiar, some not, and receive my degree.

It's not news to you that I have hated every single second of my degree, but that doesn't stop me being unbelievably excited to graduate with my BSC in Broadcast and Media Production, it doesn't stop me feeling like I have achieved something, something that will make my loved ones proud.

Ever since the first moment I walked through the doors at the LJMU Byrom Street Campus, the one thing I wasn't looking forward to was graduation. This was mainly due to the fact that before this comes all of the hard work that gets you the degree, the constant battling with assignments and stress induced rage, not to mention the hell that is your final year project and dissertation...

I think this is the first moment I have been able to look past this, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the final hurdle and I am so ready. I'm so excited to see what my life has to offer, I'm so happy to finally be able to get myself into a situation where I am happy and not constantly stressing over the mountain of assignments surrounding me.

It's time for me to get stuck in, it's time for me to make my future happen, to make sure I have a life that I can be truly happy with, the days are coming that I won't forget and I am so ready.

Roll on July 14th 2015! I AM READY!

Watch out world, I'm coming for you!

Until next time

xoxo

Wish I'd Never Grown Up.

Looking around me I can't help but notice how much has changed.

It's quite strange to realise how far people have came in life in such a short period of time. Although it's been just under 5 years since I finished school (thank god) I can honestly say that it doesn't feel like two minutes ago that we were sat on a field drinking a cheap bottle of cider, or walking around in school uniforms dreading the day ahead of us, thinking we were in the worst place in the entire world. Was it really that bad? I mean, I hated school, I really did, but I miss the freedom, the fact that we didn't have a single care in the world. I miss the lack of stress that school involved. 

Quite a lot of people whom I used to know once upon a time now have a partner, finance, or are even  married and that's a great thing for you and I congratulate you, I just can't help but wonder when this will happen for me…although I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up! That could be anything from Film Maker to Forensic Anthropologist, I don't have the slightest clue! 

So much has changed in such a short space of time.

I do have my own house, I have grown up a little bit, give me some credit! I am slowly entering the adult world, I may be living with my best friend and our house may be party central 90% of the week but still! Give credit where credit is due!

Noticing all of the changes people have experienced has given me the ammunition I need to reflect upon my life and who I am. I may not be the girl/women who has been working since they were 16, I may not have a boyfriend/fiancé/husband and I may not be with child, but that doesn't mean I don't encounter some of life's great struggles, trust me, I do! I would honestly say that I have had quite a few struggles in life, each time this has happened, I have fought my way through to the other side, coming out a better person than the moment I started.

I'm now 21 and I should probably start thinking more seriously about my future, although in all honesty? I don't really care what happens, so long as I am happy and have fun in life, that's all I want. That and to travel, but I talk about that way too much. 

I think the most noticeable reason for my lack of knowledge on the adult world is due to the fact that I have spent so much time stuck in the education system that I just haven't got a clue. Since I finished school I went to college and then to university, why you might ask? Because that's what I was told to do. I was told that if I were to go down this route in life, then I would come out on top with the job of my dreams, I was told that if I didn't do this I'd basically become a failure, I did this to make my mother proud, that's all I have ever wanted to do, but should this be making her proud when I am so unhappy? I'm honestly jealous of the people who finished school and decided to take it upon themselves to go and get a job straight away, I wish this was what I had chosen to do, my life would seem to have more meaning, I wouldn't be stuck in the rut I am in now.What I really want is to own my own video production company and if not? I want to teach media, to he honest theres a lot I want to do, I often get confused and feel uncertain about it all.

I'm getting a little sidetracked as usual!

I haven't had the typical 9-5 job (I mean I never want that) I've just had the university life, it's like a none stop party and it's great! I still find bodily functions to be rather humorous and if you ever involve the words "do do" together in a sentence then more fool you because I'm going to be rolling on the floor laughing for a good 10 minutes.

I'm really struggling with the idea of coming to terms with the life I have chosen, I chose to go to university, that's something I did, although other peoples opinions on how my life would turn out without this did influence this decision quite a bit. On the plus side, day drinking and waking up past 12pm are a regular occurrence for me. 

I think it's unfair that during school we are told that the grades we get and what we choose to study at college will determine the rest of our lives. I felt too young then and at 21 I still feel too young, too young to decide where I'm heading in life, too young to decide on a specific career, I don't think it's an easy decision. I fear that I should of worked for a little bit once finishing school, took the time out to decide who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go, I'm just as clueless now as when I was 16.

I have too many dreams in life. Knowing that I probably won't get the chance to live out the majority of them, if any, leaves me unmotivated. I've spent so much time already thinking I was working towards my dream, but now when I stand back and take that moment to really have a good look, I notice that's not the case, I'm not where I want to be, nor am I who I want to be.

Things in my life are going to change. I'm going to start living for me, Im going to start going things that make me happy. When the day I've been longing for (Graduation) comes about, I'm going to commit to being my true self, commit to finding happiness. I don't want to stay stuck in this godforsaken awful place any longer than I have to, I plan on traveling, making a difference in the world. 

Sorry for the rant, I occasionally get a little side tracked…

Happy 7th February, have a lovely day!

xoxo

Motivation is the golden key to success

I've always been someone who doesn't usually force things to happen, I often sit on the sidelines waiting for things to happen, slowly and surely I have been changing this…

University is hard and I honestly wish I had chosen a completely different degree, but I'm now nearly 2 and a half years through my 3 year degree and there's no point failing at the final hurdle. For the entirety of my time at University I have been finding it growingly difficult to become motivated and excited to complete all of my assignments,  I have finally found this motivation…better late than never right? A couple of months back I got the idea into my head of becoming a College Tutor/University Lecturer of Media, but the one thing I didn't do when I was thinking about it was choose to do anything about it…I have just finished filling out my UCAS application for a Postgraduate Teacher Training course at Edge Hill University and I can honestly say I have never been more excited about something in my life. I feel that doing this, choosing to make the decision and actually do something about it, has really given me the motivation to complete my current degree to the best of my abilities, with nothing holding me back…it's time to charge straight ahead!

So, like the title of this blog post says, motivation is the golden key to success. This is a statement that I truly believe, I feel that if you're not motivated you can NOT succeed, you need the motivation to guide you towards the succeeding. 

Speaking about motivation, for my entire life I have hated me and I cannot think of one time or point in my life where I did not. I've been trying ti like myself, even if it's just a little bit, apparently you can't love someone else unless you learn to love yourself, which I kind of agree with, how can you expect someone to love you if you do not love yourself? You wouldn't expect someone to do something you wouldn't do, so why expect them to do this? Anyway…getting a little sidetracked over here. As I was saying, motivation, hating myself, yes, so…(sorry about the rambling) I'm going to take it upon myself to lose weight, to help get to a stage where I might like myself a little. I love going to the gym, I really do, but when I started going, I did stop after a few months, not because I didn't want to go, more because I got distracted, I was busy and once I fell out of the routine I found it so hard to get back into it. The difference I will have this time is the fact that I will have the motivation, I have that on my side and with that, how can I fail? 

Things will change, I'm going to be posting a little list of things I aim to achieve in the next however long…I often post monthly goals onto this blog, but these will be different goals, these will take much longer to achieve, but I will never give up.

Make sure that everything you do in life is for you because if it's not you will never, ever stick to it.

Until next time 

xo 

The Girl With The Red Hood: The Beginning

Hey guys!

I figured that I haven't really spoken to you about my Final year project recently, here I am with a little update!

So it's now the 19th September which means I am back in University and have been for the past week.

I recently had a meeting with my personal tutor about my project and he sounded a little unsure but that's just because I'm not very good at explaining the random ideas that are swimming around inside of my brain. I must admit, the past week I have actually been coming up with some really good ideas for this short film and I'm getting quite excited.

There's not much progress really, I've started bullet pointing the kinds of things I want in each individual scene which is going to guide me a little when I start my scripting, which should be in this next week! 

I'm not going to dedicate to giving you weekly updates because I might not have made any progress, what I will do is give you an update when I feel I have plenty to tell you!

The Girl With The Red Hood…you heard it here first!

xo

Things are looking up!

It's crazy to think that it's now September, August and the whole of summer has just flew by, it's just passed me by without a notice. Looking back on the previous month it's so weird because some parts seem like they happened forever ago, but some feel like they happened just yesterday.

September beginning means the beginning of the next educational year, so the return to university. I have spent a lot of the summer period feeling bored and just like I haven't really been doing anything worthwhile. I mean, don't get me wrong, there have been some days where i have worked my ass off doing various freelance work for clients and I've really enjoyed that, apart from that I have just been so fed up.

When it's the end of the university year I get really excited for summer, but after about a month I feel really fed up with it. So I'm pretty much excited to go back to university, I can't wait to start feeling productive again.

I would be lying to say that I am not terrified about the fact that this is my last year at uni, this if the first time in my entire life where I don't know what the future holds, I don't know where I am going to be a year from now. The ideas of entering the real world terrified me, yet excites me at the same time, it's all I have wanted for so long. This year is going to be the year I work my hardest and truly make the most of the student life.

My dissertation is by far the most important part of my degree and it's going to be a really different project to take on, especially knowing i can create anything and bring one of my ideas to life.

Aside from university, over the past few days I've actually been getting a lot of freelance photography and videography work for the future which I can't wait to do. Some of it will be really different because it's something i haven't done before so I can't wait for the new experiences. I'm actually photographing a wedding on Friday, i find weddings so magical and being such a hopeless romantic I find weddings to be the closest thing possible in life to a fairytale and I just cannot wait.

Here's my showreel for 2014 so far!

I've really been enjoying building up my portfolio, it's nice to know that I am doing something that makes me happy but makes other people happy too.

xo

I want to break free

I feel like I'm trapped in one moment in time, nothing new happening, nothing to look forward to. It's just the same thing day in and day out, I need to get away…

I need to travel. I need to see what the world has to offer! I need to get out of my situation. All I want to do is start my life and I just can't.

The world is so big, so beautiful and I am stuck in this little town with nothing interesting every happening. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like for me if I was to live in a different country…maybe I would still feel the same, maybe I wouldn't.

It's hard to look around me and see everyone with their life planned out in front of them, with their jobs, their houses and children. It makes me wonder whether staying in education and going to university was a good idea. It has resulted in me not being able to start my life and that's all I want to do right now, I want to be free. I hate having to worry about getting assignments in on time and the one thing I cannot wait for is to not have to worry about getting an assignment in on time, it has resulted in so much stress. If there's one thing I hate about education it would be the fact that you're not free until it's over, you have to take your work home with you and you never, ever get a break…I need a break. I need to be able to feel stable and happy, with no stress. I hope that's what comes once I have graduated, I hope this isn't a permanent feeling. I have never in my life been so stressed over something as I have over university.

It sucks noticing how my life has nowhere near started in comparison to others. Those who didn't attend university now have jobs and children and for me? If that was to happen right now I would feel far too young, but I am 20 now and I think I forget that. We're not 16 anymore.

I'm going into my final year at University next month, it has absolutely flew by but it has been the most stressful experience of my entire life and I hope to never feel this much stress again, ever in my life. This is the end, it's finally going to be over! I mean I have enjoyed it, but by God have I hated it too.

I'm just looking forward to what the future has to hold, I'm looking forward to being free, having the time to relax and not worry about having that one assignment done on time. I can't wait to travel the world.

My life is about to begin and I hope the world is ready for me...
xo

The Girl With The Red Hood

In previous posts I have talked about how in September I will be entering my third and final year of University. It has been a really challenging and life changing experience and I am happy to say that I did make the right choice by going to Uni. I think it made me grow as a person.

During my final year I will have numerous large projects to work on, the biggest of the lot being my dissertation. Every part of uni is important, but I would say that this project is the most important because it's worth the most amount of marks, is essentially the biggest project and I will get to do exactly what I want to do for this project.

I have spent my entire summer so far thinking about this project, trying to figure out what is the best idea to go with. I have came up with ideas of both documentaries and short films.

The idea I have chosen to go with, and will not be changing whatever the cost, will be my own adaptation of the children's story Little Red Riding Hood…The only thing is my interpretation of this story will not be suitable for children at all.

As a huge horror fan I have always dreamed about bring my own horror creations to life in the form of films, and I have never really had my chance to completely shine, but with this, with God as my witness I will shine. I love the idea of taking children's stories or even fairytales, twisting them and tuning them into something quite gruesome and bloodthirsty.

So getting back to the topic of focus here, I will be naming my short film The Girl With The Red Hood. My version of this story will be a lot more modern and realistic, with the entery of things such as phones, modern costumes and the biggest difference of all will be there will be no appearence of any wolf at any point in my film. The bad guy will actually be a psychotic stalker who stumbles upon a personal item belonging to the girl with the red hood, which sparks his dangerous obsession…

The ideas I have came up with for this film will clearly be rather bloody and gruesome as I want to twist the original story and make my creation the complete opposite

I look forward to sharing my journey of creating this film with all of you and I will post anything from weekly to monthly updates with my progress on this project

Remember never stumble through a forest alone, you don't know who's watching…
xo

Nothing lasts forever

I've just this week applied for my student finance, for the last time. It's actually really scary knowing that this is my final year at Uni.

I'm really worried about it to be honest, not just because I'll be finishing my degree and entering the big bad world, but because of how important my final year it.

I'm scared that I won't come out with the degree I want, I don't want to disappoint myself and most importantly my family.

The month of August is just around the corner and I haven't yet got a solid idea for my dissertation. It's not that I am short of ideas; it's more that I have far too many ideas and just can't settle on one. I need to choose the best one, the one I can do the greatest and it's the hardest thing choosing, especially when I'm not really a decision maker.

I need my dissertation to be the greatest work I have ever created. I want it to be something that makes me proud to call it my work, The film length must be at least 20 minutes; I find it so hard working with such specific lengths because it just means I can't do specific things.

I hate having all of these worries, the worrying of University, money and life in general. The future absolutely terrifies me. I am so afraid of the unknown. I mean don't get me wrong, I am excited to see what the future holds for me, but I'm so scared of filming out at the same time. I wish that I didn't have all of these worries. I wish I was still a little kid, running around without a care in the world. I don't think we knew how lucky we were. I'd give anything to go back, to not have all of this stress on my shoulders. I wish I had never grown up.

As a child all I ever wanted to do was grow up, but now I have reached the stage where I would give anything to go back. How were we to know that life would be like this? How were we to know that it would be so hard and challenging? I miss the freedom, seeing my friends all of the time and nor caring about how much money was in my pocket.

WHY CAN'T LIFE JUST BE SIMPLE?

I mean, I'm not complaining, well maybe I am just a little, but life is good right now, it really is. It's better than it has been in a long time, but I'm still so scared. I'm just a natural worrier. I can't help it, I worry about anything and everything. I'm actually quite a negative person, although not a lot of people will notice that. I'm really pessimistic. I can never look forward to the good things because I always worry about it going wrong, surely that's better than being disappointed? At least if I think negatively then I wont be too disheartened.

I hope to enjoy life more in the future, I just need my life to pan out the way I want it too, I need to know what's going to happen in the future, then I can start enjoying it.
xo

Howdy!

Hey guys! so this is the first post on my nice shiny new blog! This is just a quick one so that I can introduce myself to the world of blogging.

I've never had a blog like this, my past blogs have always been quite silly and random, just rambling about things I love, but this time I wanted to do it differently. I wanted to do this seriously. So again, hey there, I'm Ashleigh, I guess it's good for you to know my name right?…

i'm a 20 year old University student, I'm currently studying Broadcast and Media Production at Liverpool John Moores University…and that's well, interesting to say the least.
I'm a film fanatic in anyway possible...
I'm actually just about to go into my third year, this course has been really challenging so far, I've almost gave up multiple times, but I' still here and I'm determined to get to the finish line

I have a love of journalism and photography, I bet you would never have guessed?

So…I'm going to be blogging once maybe even twice a week, about random topics

I'll be basically reporting on a topic and then supporting with photographs, it will be quite an interesting thing to attempt.

As well as this I'll be commenting on various obstacles I go through during my day to day life, such as Uni, work and what life is like trying to become a Videographer/Photographer as well as any obstacles I encounter completing my dissertation. 

Well, this is me and I will see you again shortly! 

xo