Have Courage and Be Kind

One thing that I've began to notice when I creative these wonderfully detailed posts of how my life is going is that I always manage to focus on the negative aspects of my life. I'm going to be the first to admit that I've always saw myself as a bit of a pessimist, which isn't the way I want to look at life.

My life is full of far more beautiful things than I sometimes think.

I sit here dwelling on the fact that one of my closest friends has basically abandoned me with no warning in a time I could of done with their support. I need to stop myself from thinking that I have probably done something to deserve this because I have done everything in my power to try and keep the friendship alive. This doesn't mean I'm not good enough, and I shouldn't see this as a massive loss for me. I would like to think that I am being the better person here because I have tried time and time again, with no response. Another thing I seem to concentrate on is how much I dislike my job, how much I dread waking up in the morning and spending 11 hours in the office. I just despise how people can treat another human being like something they have just stepped on. I have always tried to do everything in my life with kindness, and I would never just disregard someones feelings. I guess this is why I find it so hard to understand, not everyone has the same morals, some think they are better than others, and most only care about getting everything in their life for free. Again, I shouldn't think so negatively about this, I should think about how I can go to bed smiling because no matter how someone speaks to me, I will always smother them with kindness, making me the better person.

These are the kinds of things I find myself constantly focusing on, but alas, I say no more!

Life is all about happiness, being happy, and spreading happiness. When I take a good look at my life, when I way up the pros and the cons, I actually begin to realise that I am pretty content with my life. In a way, I have everything I have always wanted, a devoted partner, full time income, a house to call my own, and some time to do the things I love to do.

Once upon a time I thought that I knew everything about the world and what it had to offer, but then I realised I'm just a dreamer. I have spent my life thinking that all I needed to do to become that big time director was go to college and then to university, and then I'd have a beautiful degree and the job of my dreams. It was never going to be that simple, I had spent too long believing people when they told me that's all I'd need to do for this to happen.

I think I'm always going to be a ball of stress, I'm always going to be a rollercoaster of emotions,  and I don't see myself being decisive anytime soon. I'm just afraid of making the wrong decisions, I'm afraid of disappointing those that I love, and I constantly let my own insecurities get the better of me.

Little did I know that I already have everything I always wanted.

It's time to focus on the positives!

• I have a devoted life partner that gives me everything I need, although I probably take him for granted. I never imagined that I would find someone as perfect for me as he is. I have found someone who truly accepts me for who I am, and I have never felt so much love and appreciation. 

• My family and extended family are more than I could ever ask for. I have a group of people that I can go to with all of my problems, a group that I would trust with my life. I have never met so many people that encourage and inspire me.

• I have a job. It's not what I have worked for, but it's something to fill my days, a way for me to pay my bills, buy books, and go on the occasional adventure. 

• Speaking of adventure, I'm going to Rome very soon!

• I'm making plans for the future. Whether that be planning a holiday, picking out new furniture or deciding whether our house if big enough for the family we will one day raise here. 

When I take the time to think about it I come to the realisation that my life is pretty damn good! It can be hard to list the positive parts of your life, but I listed those without even thinking about it, and if I took the time to think I could probably come up with a lot more. 

Life isn't about everything being perfect, sometimes it's just about making the most of what you have. 

Things can take time, which is something life is made up of. It's time to focus on the positives and becoming the best version of myself I can truly be.

Be Brave: Hello May - Rant, Reflection and Goal Setting

Hey there May, how's it going? I've been waiting for you anxiously, it's rather nice to see you to be honest! 

April has been one of the hardest months of my entire life. I would honestly like to feel hopeful that May is going to throw some good news and positivity my way, but with all of the heartbreak that I have endured during April I can't really see that happening, I will try to be hopeful. 

So like I just said, April has honestly been one of the hardest months that I have ever lived through, the hardest since the passing of Grandaddy P. Honestly, it breaks my heart knowing how much pain Granny P is in at the moment, it's breaking me down. I know that I have to stay strong for her, I know that every time I see her beautiful face I have to be brave, I have to show her that it's not killing me inside, even though it is. 

I've spent so much of April breaking down emotionally that I'm struggling to find my happy place, I'm struggling to remember a time before this, it feels like we've been living with this for longer than we have. People often tell you to prepare yourself for the worst when a situation like this occurs, but I don't think that's possible at all, you can expect something but the moment that it actually happens it's going to break your heart, possibly and probably more than you thought it was going to, it doesn't matter that you've tried to avoid feeling like that. 

I pray every single day that Granny P will recover, I pray that her pain will vanish and that she will become the Granny P that my family adore and miss so very, very much. I pray that we aren't going to lose her because I don't know what I would do or who I would be without her, I don't know how I would get past that. For as long as I have lived I had always thought of her as invincible, even through the passing of my Granddad. I never once thought I would ever lose her, she was always my invincible Grandmother. 

Family is the most important thing in this world, more important that money, power and pride, it comes hand and hand with happiness. Family is my happy place and right now it's broken and I pray that it's not broken beyond repair. Remember the good times, that's what everyone tells you, but it's not that simple.

I'm going to be honest with you straight away, I didn't check up on my goals at all during April and I doubt that I've completed many of them, hopefully May will be a better month.

APRIL GOALS

• Fix my sleeping pattern.
• Wake up in time for the sunrise as often as I can.
• Read 4 books.
• Decorate Easter Eggs.
• Bake Easter Egg cupcakes.
• Work towards achieving my dreams. 
• Complete 4 chapters of my book.
• End procrastination for good.
• Disconnect from the world when working.
• Fly a kite.
• Complete the 'walk in her shoes' challenge. 
• Blog every week.
• Visit many book stores and read many books
• Visit a farmers market.
• Pick fresh berries.
• Be happy. 

I told you I didn't complete much, I'm honestly surprised that I completed anything!

MAY GOALS

• Wake up in time for the sunrise every morning. I'm actually really excited to fullfill this goal, I often find this a ever growingly hard thing to do, mainly because I'm such a night owl, but I do love mornings, I love the morning feeling (if you ignore the waking up part).
• Read 4+ books. I absolutely adore reading, I have a huge pile of books that I need to make a start on and I hope that during May I have plenty of time to start them.
• Spend loads of time with Granny P. I want to spend as much time with Granny P as possible, I'm so scared of what might happen, I'm so scared of losing her. I have to spend as much time with her as I possibly can because I adore spending time with her. 
• Help Mummy P move home. So my mums finally moving home and town, which is going to suck a little more me, but I'm really excited for her, she deserves and needs this. 
• Work towards achieving my dreams. I'm going to have to see how May pans out before I can fully dedicate myself to working towards this goal this month, fingers crossed that I have the time for this. 
• Make progress of my book. I've started writing a book and I'm quite excited about it, I haven't wrote all too much, but it's going to take some time. 
• End procrastination for good. I'm a master at procrastination, but it's something that irritates me about myself.
• Disconnect from the world when working. This was something that I managed to do last month, I've found it to become quite a positive thing, I get a lot more done without the internet. 
• Blog every week. I love blogging about anything and everything, especially my feelings and what's going on in my life, so expect plenty of posts this month. 
• Visit many book stores and read many books. As I've said, I love reading, adore it actually, I can't wait for this one. 
• Be happy. Happiness is the most important thing in this life. 

I can't help but apologise for my emotional breakdown at the beginning of this post, but if you know me personally or you have experienced something like this then you will know what I am going through and how I am feeling.

I pray that May is a better month than April.

I pray for no more bad news, I can't handle anymore bad news.

I pray Granny P recovers.

I pray life gets better.

Have a lovely month,

Ash. xx

Life is not a dress rehearsal - Bucket List

I've always been a dreamer, for as long as I can remember, it's just something that has always came naturally to me. I have decided to create a bucket list as a way to always remind myself where I want to go in life, who I want to be, and to ensure I never lose focus of that. I originally began writing my bucket list during the late stages of my high school years, and as time has passed I have been continuously adding things to said list, ensuring I don't forget to include something of importance. I dream big, that's something that will come clear the moment you begin to read this list.

"Become friends with people who aren't your age. Hang out with people whose first language isn't the same as yours. Get to know someone who doesn't come from your social class. This is how you see the world, this is how you grow."

The bellow list is in no particular order, I wrote as I thought. 

Bucket List

1. Experience The Northern Lights from a glass igloo in Finnish Lapland.

2. Abseil off The Story Bridge in Brisbane, Queensland.

3. Visit The Grand Canyon.

4. Visit Niagara Falls.

5. Zip lining at Penthyn Quarry, Bethesda. 

6. Visit the base camp of Everest.

7. Visit The Louvre.

8. Visit Rome to see the Coliseum.

9. Visit the Eiffel Tower.

10. Visit Egypt to see The Pyramids of Giza.

11. Visit the 7 wonders of the ancient world, or the locations where they once stood.

12. Visit The Great Barrier Reef.

13. Mausoleum at Halicarnassus.

14. Walk along The Great Wall of China.

15. Visit all 7 continents. 

16. Explore an underground cenotes in Mexico.

17. Explore Venice

18. Visit and extinct Volcano.

19. Visit a live Volcano.

20. Visit New Zealand.

21. Swim with Sharks.

22. Put a lock onto the Lock Bridge in Paris. 

23. Climb The Sydney Harbour Bridge.

24. Visit all 52 States.

25. Visit Antarctica.

26. Explore the area around Area 51.

27. Visit Prague.

28. Visit The Sistine Chappell.

29. Visit Stonehenge.

30. Skydive.

31. Go on an African Safari.

32. Backpack Europe.

33. Go on an American road trip.

34. Visit the Taj Mahal.

35. Visit the Pink Lake located in Western Australia. 

36. Swim with Whale Sharks in Cancun.

37. Visit The Amazon Rainforest. 

38. Visit The Catacombs of Paris.

39. Visit The Anne Frank House.

40. Visit Gedenkstatte Berliner Mauer. 

41. Learn Japanese.

42.  Visit Shakespeare's Birthplace. 

43. Visit The Statue of Liberty.

44. Visit Australia Zoo. 

45. Write a book.  

46. Visit The Memorial and Museum Auschwitz - Birkenau.

47. Get Married.

48. Have Children.

49. Visit Sydney Harbour.

50. Visit Yellowstone National Park.

51. Dance in the rain.

52. Meet an idol.

53. Adopt an abandoned animal.

54. Experience the Superbowl in person. 

55. Attend San Diego Comic-Con.

56. Stand under the Hollywood sign.

57. Visit the Dead Sea.

58. Take a photo everyday for a year.

59. Give to charity.

60. Cage dive with Great White Sharks.

61. See Taylor Swift Live.

62. Buy a house.

63. Learn to drive.

64. Learn to swim.

65. Learn how to take a compliment.

66. Time Travel?

67. Plant a tree.

68. Fall deeply in love - helplessly and unconditionally. 

69. Spend a night in a haunted house, alone.

70. Perform infront of an audience.

71. Learn to play the banjo.

72. Attend a festival.

73. Understand that you can't please everyone.

74. Learn to shoot a gun.

75. Sleep under the stars.

76. Travel for a whole year.

78. Overcome my fears.

79. Visit the location where Lord of The Rings was set.

80. Visit Tour Patagonia.

81. Visit The Himalayas. 

82. Explore the temples and gardens of Kyoto.

83. Live in a different country.

84. Disconnect for a week.

85. Bury a time capsule.

86. Create a treasure map that directs them to nothing.

87. Graduate from University.

88. Study to become a Teacher.

89. Do a Masters degree.

90. Donate Blood.

91. Throw someone a surprise party.

92. Read 100 books in a year.

93. Say "Yes" for a whole day.

94. Write 365 letters to someone, one every day.

95. Take in as much culture as possible.

96. Do 50 random acts of kindness.

97. Shoot a bow and arrow.

98. Identify 10 constellations.

99. Follow my dreams. 

100. Accept yourself for who you are.

I hope you enjoyed my bucket list, and most importantly I hope I am able to experience the majority of the things on this list.

Why don't you share your bucket list? 

Until next time

 xoxo

September goals

So, September is finally here! University is about to start again and it's time to get my life back on track.

This is something new for me, something I'm going to try doing every month and naturally I'm going to aim to complete every goal I come up with. 

It's time to start feeling motivated! Time to take action!

September Goals

- Stress less…now this one's going to be hard!

- Photograph a wedding.

- Fix my sleeping pattern.

- Wake up in time for sunrise at least one morning.

- Go back to university for my final year.

- Finish my scriptwriting for my dissertation project.

- Read You're the one that I want by Giovanna Fletcher

- Begin filming my dissertation project.

- Complete the Halo 3 campaign online with friends.

- Get a new tattoo…or two.

- Attend the gym 3 times a week, every week. 

- Have cute date nights with the boyfriend. 

- Keep my room clean!

- Try not to overspend.

- Stay on top of tidying…NO EXCUSES!

- Learn to love myself a little bit.

- Do something that I have never done before.

- Stop with the procrastination.

- Go to all of my uni classes…NO EXCEPTIONS!

- Be happy!

So there's my goals for this month…looking at it now I have written it down makes it seem likes that's a lot to achieve in one month, but I'm going to give it a shot!

What are your September goals?

xo