I haven't blogged for awhile, so I feel like now is a good time to do so!
A lot has changed since we last spoke, my whole life has completely changed and is this for the better? I honestly couldn't tell you…
The past few weeks I have felt so down with everything, I've been trying to get myself out of this mess I am stuck in and it's so hard. What makes this even harder is that people don't seem to care enough to understand and that just infuriates me. All I have ever wanted in life is to be happy and I can't help but wonder why this is so hard. I hate how things are always rooting against me, waiting, for me to fail… I won't fail, that's the last thing I will ever do, I will never give up.
My plan is to completely throw myself into University, it's the only thing that matters right now, people always leave, and they always leave too quickly and without a care. The one thing that is always going to be there is my career and my dreams and it's time to make them happen. I'm fed up of over analysing every single aspect of my life, over and over again, never resolving anything and always worrying, thing's need to change, and I know this, it's the only way I can be happy.
My anxieties have got increasingly worse as of lately and it really does suck because it's affecting everything, too much. I will make it my aim to fix this, I can't continue being the socially awkward person that I am, I will change that, in my own time. One thing I wont change is who I am as a person, my identity, I like to game and I love nothing more than indulging myself in a television show, and that's never going to change, that's what I enjoy doing and as you all as my witness I will not change that for anything or anyone, it's one of the few joys that I get out of life.
I hate growing up, I just want time to slow down or even rewind, I want to go back to when life was simple, when I didn't worry or stress. I'm fed up of being a ticking time bomb of stress, I hate it more than anything.
Dreams are the only thing that gets me through each waking day, until the day progresses that is, when I begin to worry if they will ever come true, worry if I have the power to turn these dreams into reality.
I can't wait to get the ball rolling and get a house with my lovely bestest, it's going to be amazing, it's the first step in a long line of things that will make me happy…
Until next time!
xo
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