A Letter to my past self

A Letter to Younger A.

 

Dearest Ashleigh,

 

You don't know me yet, but I know you better than you currently know yourself, please hold on because things are going to get so good for you!

 

You're so young and innocent right now and don't have a care in the world, this isn't going to last forever so do take advantage of that. I've been dreading writing this part down because it may break your heart a little bit, but you'll never actually become a Pokemon Trainer, unfortunately that will just be a dream. However in 2016 a downloadable game for mobile will be released that will allow you to collect Pokemon via the app, even battle to become a gym master, and it will bring you closer to becoming a trainer than ever before. Again, you'll never form a girl band, save the world from Aliens or visit a Jurassic Park, but you will accomplish so much that you don't even know is important right now.

 

Right now so much of what people say to you probably bothers you, you take everything to heart, but always remember that people are scared of things that are different or things they don't understand. I'm talking about the wonderful colour of your eyes, ignore what people say because people will stare in awe as you grow, they will know how beautiful they are. I'm sorry you're not the prettiest girl, the thinnest girl or even the most popular girl, but take a moment to think about whether that truly matters, you have the kindest soul, kindness is a beautiful thing to have.

 

I know that you have a hard time during primary school, they've put you in extra classes and don't listen to you, but you're going to do better than they could ever imagine. You'll finish high school with amazing GCSE results, you will A* College and even go on to study a BSc in Broadcast and Media Production, probably the hardest degree you could have possibly chosen, but it's worth it.

 

You're currently struggling to make friends right now, but can I let you into a little secret? It doesn't matter because you're about to leave this place. You're going to come across hard times when you do move, your mothers partner isn't your biggest fan, but try not to let him get to you too much because you're worth so much more. The big move will be happening sooner than you think, and you'll go onto form many friendships that will continue throughout your life.

 

You're worth so much more than you could ever imagine and you have so much to offer the world. Your so kind, you're so loving and you put everyone else before yourself. 

 

I must go now, you have a Fiance, a job, and even a house now, there's so much to do.

 

Your dearest self, Ashleigh

Aged: 23

Date: 26/03/17

The Blog-tember Challenge: Day 4 | Currently in September

Currently in September

Happy Sunday lovelies, I've been up since the crack of dawn today, I just can't seem to sleep in. I've actually booked a few days off work this week just because I have a couple of appointments and plans with friends, and I just pray that I get on sleep in because I know I'll want when when I'm back in work.

I'm super excited about the plans I have this week, they include but aren't limited to a new tattoo, a girly wine day with my closest friend, and visiting my lovely mother!

Reading... Always with Love by Giovanna Fletcher.
Playing... plan for Rome, catch up on sleep, and preparation for this weeks plans.
Watching... Gilmore Girls, although I'm halfway through season 7, BOO!
Trying... to get everything sorted for my holiday to Rome and stop spending so much money.
Cooking... lunch in a few moments, although I'm not sure what.
Eating... nothing as of yet, but lunch will happen after this post is uploaded :)
Drinking... Coke because I'm naughty and couldn't help myself whilst I was at the shop.
Calling... my lovely mother to arrange future plans and just because I miss her like crazy.
Texting... mainly just my mother, I seem to use facebook messenger to connect with most other people.
Pinning... home inspiration and Christmas ideas
Tweeting... about my blog and life in general
Going... to Rome very soon!
Loving... Giovanna Fletcher's books, they are so good!
Hating... that I still have around 8 shifts until it's holiday time.
Discovering... lots and lots of new books and authors!
Thinking... about what's going come from my next hospital appointment
Feeling...  alot better than I have during previous days.
Hoping (for)... Good results, always good results.
Listening (to)... Taylor Swift, it's always TayTay.
Celebrating... the facts that I've been blogging a lot more than usual!
Smelling... nothing actually, I need to get some candles burning.
Ordering... Christmas presents and books, I can't help but order books!
Thanking... my partner for everything that he does for me.
Considering... whether I want a new house or an extended house.
Starting... to wish I wasn't coming to the end of Gilmore Girls!
Finishing... Gilmore Girls

What are you currently up to?

Have Courage and Be Kind

One thing that I've began to notice when I creative these wonderfully detailed posts of how my life is going is that I always manage to focus on the negative aspects of my life. I'm going to be the first to admit that I've always saw myself as a bit of a pessimist, which isn't the way I want to look at life.

My life is full of far more beautiful things than I sometimes think.

I sit here dwelling on the fact that one of my closest friends has basically abandoned me with no warning in a time I could of done with their support. I need to stop myself from thinking that I have probably done something to deserve this because I have done everything in my power to try and keep the friendship alive. This doesn't mean I'm not good enough, and I shouldn't see this as a massive loss for me. I would like to think that I am being the better person here because I have tried time and time again, with no response. Another thing I seem to concentrate on is how much I dislike my job, how much I dread waking up in the morning and spending 11 hours in the office. I just despise how people can treat another human being like something they have just stepped on. I have always tried to do everything in my life with kindness, and I would never just disregard someones feelings. I guess this is why I find it so hard to understand, not everyone has the same morals, some think they are better than others, and most only care about getting everything in their life for free. Again, I shouldn't think so negatively about this, I should think about how I can go to bed smiling because no matter how someone speaks to me, I will always smother them with kindness, making me the better person.

These are the kinds of things I find myself constantly focusing on, but alas, I say no more!

Life is all about happiness, being happy, and spreading happiness. When I take a good look at my life, when I way up the pros and the cons, I actually begin to realise that I am pretty content with my life. In a way, I have everything I have always wanted, a devoted partner, full time income, a house to call my own, and some time to do the things I love to do.

Once upon a time I thought that I knew everything about the world and what it had to offer, but then I realised I'm just a dreamer. I have spent my life thinking that all I needed to do to become that big time director was go to college and then to university, and then I'd have a beautiful degree and the job of my dreams. It was never going to be that simple, I had spent too long believing people when they told me that's all I'd need to do for this to happen.

I think I'm always going to be a ball of stress, I'm always going to be a rollercoaster of emotions,  and I don't see myself being decisive anytime soon. I'm just afraid of making the wrong decisions, I'm afraid of disappointing those that I love, and I constantly let my own insecurities get the better of me.

Little did I know that I already have everything I always wanted.

It's time to focus on the positives!

• I have a devoted life partner that gives me everything I need, although I probably take him for granted. I never imagined that I would find someone as perfect for me as he is. I have found someone who truly accepts me for who I am, and I have never felt so much love and appreciation. 

• My family and extended family are more than I could ever ask for. I have a group of people that I can go to with all of my problems, a group that I would trust with my life. I have never met so many people that encourage and inspire me.

• I have a job. It's not what I have worked for, but it's something to fill my days, a way for me to pay my bills, buy books, and go on the occasional adventure. 

• Speaking of adventure, I'm going to Rome very soon!

• I'm making plans for the future. Whether that be planning a holiday, picking out new furniture or deciding whether our house if big enough for the family we will one day raise here. 

When I take the time to think about it I come to the realisation that my life is pretty damn good! It can be hard to list the positive parts of your life, but I listed those without even thinking about it, and if I took the time to think I could probably come up with a lot more. 

Life isn't about everything being perfect, sometimes it's just about making the most of what you have. 

Things can take time, which is something life is made up of. It's time to focus on the positives and becoming the best version of myself I can truly be.

Time is precious

If I were to received a pound for every time I logged on here and began writing a post, only to delete everything I've wrote and close it, I would be UNBEARABLY rich. I absolutely adore blogging, it's one of my favourite things to do, but sometimes I wonder whether I actually have enough to talk about to continue to keep my blog alive, to continue to keep it interesting enough for people to come here and read. I just worry that I don't have the imagination to create wonderfully interesting reads. 

I'm finding that most of the time I'm struggling to find the time to come here and talk to you, my life has been taken over by work, and when I'm not working I'm most likely reading, or catching up on TV shows. I just never seem to have enough time to do all the things that I so desperately want and need to do in my life. 

The last year of my life and more so the last few months I've found myself falling into that horrible pattern that nobody wants to fall into. I wake up, I go to work, where I'm barely even treated like a human being with feelings, I then get home with barely enough time to eat, and then head off to bed. When I get home I'm lucky if I get to have some form of interaction with my other half, which is completely insane considering that we live together! I swear I don't see why I'm paying for a mortgage, I'm out of the house more than I'm in it. 

Hell is repetition, and my life is repetition. 

There's so much I use to want to do with my life, still so much that I want to do. I miss the times where I had the spare money and spare time to not work in a horrible stuffy office, instead I would get to run around with my camera and be crazy creative. 

When I was in University I would have gave anything for it to be over, for me to finally enter the real world with my degree and find a wonderful job that I could fall in love with. Little did I know the real world was never how I pictured it, how people told me it was going to be. No one ever told me it was going to be this hard, no one told me that no one would care about all I've put myself through in order to try and be the best version of me. I always thought that once completing University I would actually be able to fall into the career of my dreams. 

Work, bills, work, bills. MY ENTIRE LIFE. 

My partner and I have booked a trip to Rome very shortly, and I'm more excited about this than I have been about anything in such a long time. I can't wait to spend an entire 5 days in awe staring at the beautiful historical structures that will be standing before me, to be running around with my camera and not having a care in the world. I will completely be in my element, having my camera in my hand and my soul mate by my side. I've literally left myself completely broke in order to book this trip because it was the only way as I have less money now than I have ever had. That's completely hilarious considering this is my first 'real' job, my first real job and I have no money. 

I love certain aspects of my life, I really do. Actually, I love every small detail about my life, aside from the pathetic excuse of a job I currently have. I'm not saying this is an awful job, I'm not saying that people can't enjoy it because it really isn't the worst thing in the world. Honestly, it's just the kind of thing I always said I would never do, it's not the kind of thing that I've worked my entire life  I have a naturally creative mind and not one thing about this job fits my personality. I actually feel like my talents are going to waste, and I'm stuck here now, I don't know what the hell to do to get out, to get out there and do what I was destined to do, be the person I'm truly meant to be. 

In ways my life is a lot more than I thought it would be at this point, I have a wonderful partner, family, and even extended family. I am surrounded by the most wonderful people, people that I find inspirational and just love more than words can express, especially my wonderful better half. I just wish I wasn't stuck in a job I can't stand, I wish it was easy to escape into something that will fill my days with happiness. 

My hun and I 

Chapter Two: February

Chapter Two: February

Hello there beautiful February, it's nice to see you. Can you believe that we're in February already? January has completely flew by!

I have to admit that after a very stressful beginning to January, but lovely end, I am quite happy to see February, I'm looking forward to seeing what delightfulness it brings my way. 

January Goals

1. Prepare for the big move. I'm all moved in! Preparation for this took FOREVER, but I got it done, I got everything moved, and i got the house sorted. I'm so relieved.  

2. Enjoy working. Nope, nope, and nope.

3. Celebrate my Birthday in style. I've had the most perfect Birthday ever this year, I have been completely spoilt. 

4. Read 2 books. Check, and check! The Bazaar of Bad Dreams, and Girl online. 

5. Watch at least 25 films. We have watched way too many TV shows to even nearly complete this challenge. This month we managed to watch The Lost World: Jurassic Park, The Revenant, Acacia, From The Shadows, The 5th Wave, and Poltergeist. We're now going to have to try harder to watch more in February, but we did watch The Walking Dead season 5, Supernatural seasons 9, and 10, OZ season 6, American Horror Story season 4, Pretty Little Liars, season 6.

February Goals

1. Clear my overdraft. I've been stuck in a student overdraft for the past 4 years, and it's just to painful to think about. I'm nearly halfway to clearing it now though, and I'm hoping to get that done this month.

2. Shopping freeze. I need to begin to save, save, and save! There are so many things that I want to do, so many beautiful places I want to visit, and I really need to start saving so that we can live a wonderful life.

3. Read 2 books. I'm hoping to read at least 24 books this year, that's two a month, although I would love to surprise myself by completely annihilating that goal. 

4. Watch 25 films. I love movies, but I want to make sure I watch as many as humanly possible, so this year I'm aiming to watch AT LEAST 300 films, hopefully a lot more. 

5.  Enjoy working. Find a job that I truly enjoy. I know now more than most that I'm really not going to be able to work to my truest potential in a career that I just don't enjoy, I need to find a reason to look forward to getting up for work in the morning.

6. Be happy.

What have you got planned for February? 

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22!

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22

Hey friends! How are you all doing? How has January been treating you? We haven't spoken since the first half of January. I've not officially moved in with my gorgeous partner, celebrated my 22nd Birthday, and life is just amazing at the moment, I am so blessed.

The greatest thing to happen this month, probably this year, is moving in with my handsome man, mainly because I've never been so in love, I've never felt to happy around someone, never been myself so much around someone, and it's perfect. I'm getting a little soppy over here, but it's allowed, I'm completely happy with my life...and not stressed! WOOHOO!

I have literally had the most perfect Birthday ever! I've always loved Birthdays, whether it's mine or yours, that's irrelevant, I just think that they can become something so incredibly magical. 

This year I felt completely loved, I was surrounded by so many people whom I love and admire.

I don't often get to see my Mother and Sister all too much, what with them living in a different county and them and I working ALL the time, but they took the time to visit me for my Birthday in my new home. We were lavished with the most divine foods, courtesy of my wonderful man.

As for the gifts I received? I have never felt so spoilt. I am literally one of the biggest camera geeks that you will ever come across, and guess what? I GOT A NEW CAMERA! Not just any camera, a beautifully pink polaroid camera, and it's absolutely perfect.

Today to complete the Birthday celebrations, we visited a local restaurant called Larkins, another lovely gift, this time from Mike's mother, Carol. We had a wonderful time, it was a new experience, I tried new foods and we just had a lovely time.

Naturally I took plenty of pictures to share with you all, so here you go!

Until next time my lovelies, enjoy the rest of January!

Currently in January 2016...

…reading  The newest book by Stephen King called 'The Bazaar of Bad Dreams, which I'm thoroughly enjoying. It's a series of short stories, naturally some of the stories are better than others but the book is absolutely fantastic, Bravo. I love short stories, I think it's wonderful to see how a writer can make even the shortest story seem like the longest, seem like you've been reading it for a lifetime, and how they can ensure that so much happens in that story. Following the end of this book I'll be starting on Time Lord Fairytales, a book published by Penguin and I'm just ecstatic to read this book, seriously.

…watching  So my partner and I have been watching Babylon 5 for awhile now, we're on the 5th season though. I'm really enjoying it as a series, it's everything that I've always been interested in, I think it's just taking us awhile because I feel like I have to be in the mood to watch it. We've just finished watching the 4th season of American Horror Story, Freak Show, which was a slight disappointment. Don't get me wrong when I say that, I mean it was still okay, it's just probably one of the more weaker seasons unfortunately, Asylum is my favourite. We've also just started the 5th Season of The Walking Dead, which has started off pretty good, we're not too far into it though so I can't really comment on it yet haha! I've ALSO just started rewatching One Tree Hill, mainly because I received the whole collection as a Christmas gift from my mother, and after all, it is one of my FAVOURITE TV shows. 

…trying To move home, which it proving to be an incredibly time consuming task, but it doesn't take away from my excitement. I honestly cannot wait to be completely settled in my new home with my gorgeous partner, at the moment it's just a lot of work, but it will all be worth it when it's done. I'm also trying to find a new job because my contract ends soon, I'm hoping to find a job that has nothing to do with what I'm doing now because to be honest I despise it with my every being. I want to find a reason to enjoy getting up in the morning, I will get there, it might take awhile, but I'll get there. 

…eating Much healthier than Christmas time haha! I say that but we've been trying to rid ourselves of the masses amount of chocolate that we've received over the Christmas period. I mean, we could have threw it all out or donated it or something, but no, we've chosen to mass eat all of the chocolate in the house. Aside from this though, healthier eating is what we are doing. 

…pinning  Nothing actually, I've only just found the time to start up blogging again, I haven't quite got around to finding the time to pin yet, but I will.

…tweeting Mainly about my blog. I've been trying to connect with more bloggers this year, I think it would be great. I'm also tweeting just general life tweets, hating my job, being tired, the usual haha.

…going To be productive today by sorting out my old house a little more, and sorting things out in my new house, there's absolutely so much to do, I don't get how people can enjoy moving home. 

…loving My partner. He's just wonderful, everything about him. It's sometimes hard to show people how much you love them, but I think he knows, I think it would be hard for him to miss. 

…discovering That I don't have to stress about everything. That life will be funner if I just take it as it comes rather than planning every single aspect of it, rather than worrying about EVERYTHING. 

…enjoying  Trying new things and becoming a better person. I've been a fussy eater for my ENTIRE life, but I'm trying to change that, I'm trying a lot of new things at the moment, hoping to break away from the fussiness. 

...thinking About what my life will be like a month from now. In a months time I may not have a job, or I may have a new job, it could be one I love, and it could be one i hate. I'll be living with my partner completely, and I'm excited to see what that's like. 

…feeling  Loved. This last year I have honestly felt so lucky to have the people in my life that I do. 

…hoping That the whole 'moving house' thing goes smoothly. I don't want to hit any obstacles on the way and if I do I hope they are easy to overcome. 

...listening To Rihanna. I haven't listened to her in a long time, which is a surprise because she's most certainly one of my favourite artists. 

…thanking  My Partner. It could honestly take me forever to sit here and thank him for everything about him that I'm grateful for, but he knows, or I hope he knows, how much i appreciate everything he does for me. 

…starting To be happy with my life. Everything it beginning to fall into place and I love it, I've been so happy lately. 

What are you currently doing?

2016...the year that i become fearless

Fearless

How often is it that you find yourself frozen by fear? You're unable to move, your heart racing, and your palms sweating, you know the feeling, because you've been afraid.   

"And I don't know how it gets better than this, you take my hand and drag me headfirst fearless. And I don't know why but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress fearless."

What does it truly mean to be fearless?

I find it prodigious how many different meanings one single word can have, how you define one word may not be the way that I define is.

Here's how google defines the word fearless.

fearless

ˈfɪəlɪs/

adjective

1. showing a lack of fear.

   "a fearless crusader for animal rights"

   synonyms:

   bold, brave, courageous, intrepid, valiant, valorous, gallant, plucky,lionhearted, stout-hearted, heroic, daring, dynamic, spirited, mettlesome,confident, audacious, indomitable, doughty;  unafraid, undaunted,unflinching, unshrinking, unblenching, unabashed;  informalgame, gutsy,spunky, ballsy, go-ahead, have-a-go, feisty;  rareventurous "the most fearless man I've ever seen in battle"

Everyone experiences fear in their life and it's not something you can escape, it's part of what makes you human. 

I want to become fearless, I want to allow myself to not run away the second I'm afraid, I want to be brave enough to try new things, meet new people, visit new places, and just be happy in myself. 

I believe that being fearless doesn't mean that you're not afraid anymore, it's more that you're taking those steps to try and overcome it, you're pushing yourself through the fear.

For as long as I can remember I have been afraid of life, afraid of the consequences of every single one of my actions, afraid of saying the wrong thing and hurting peoples feelings. It's hard to enjoy life when you're over analysing every single aspect of your life to the point that you can't really enjoy things because you're too afraid of something going wrong, too afraid of messing something up. 

"It takes courage to overcome fear and bravery to banish it."

I want to be able to stop running away from the things that I fear the most, I wan't to be able to live a truly fearless lifestyle. 

What are you afraid of? Are you trying to overcome these fears? 

The journey starts here!

HAPPY JANUARY 2ND 

Aloha friends! Just a quick post to let you know what I've been getting up to and to find out how 2016 is going for you? We're now two days into the year and I'm already feeling slightly stressed! haha. I guess stress is one of the more normal feelings that one has to deal with when moving house, but I am incredibly excited! 

So late in 2015 my partner and I decided that it was time to move in together, decided the best way to start off a new year and an amazing life together is to live together. 

Today I found myself in my 'current' house surrounded by boxes, boxes, and you guessed it...more boxes. All I've found whilst packing is that I'm actually making the house a lot messier than it originally was, a lot messier than I intended for it to be, but that's okay. 

I'm always, always excited as to what the future holds for me, but as of lately I have found myself more excited than ever, I've found out what it's like to be truly happy with life without even trying, and I'm loving it!

I'm hoping to find myself blogging more frequently now that some of the past stresses in my life have disappeared (yes, I am talking about towering piles of assignments). It's a new year and I'm leaving all of the the stress, hatred, and upset from the year before in the past, it really is a brand new start for me.

I hope this year turns out to be magical for each and ever one of us.

Until next time...

(Has no relation to -A from Pretty Little Liars)

I'm moving forward

There are times when I go through phases where I don't blog, I don't even think about blogging. Sometimes I just completely forget, whereas other times I have writers block. Sometimes I leave for a few days, sometimes for a few weeks, and sometimes for a few months, but I'll always come back, always.

I have a little bit of news...I actually have a pretty little job! That I imagine after working 40 hours a week will soon lose the pretty part. Although it's going to mean ridiculously early mornings, long bus journeys, and ridiculously long days, I think I'm okay with that, for now anyway. The time is fast approaching where I can SAVE, SAVE, SAVE! My inner traveller is just excited to burst out, and I can't wait to take myself and my camera away on wonderful adventures where we can take beautiful photos and write blog posts.

The last 3 years of my life have been incredibly long, painful and stressful, and every bad descriptive word that you could ever possibly think of. For the entirety of University I was stuck in such a bad place, and I don't mean because I was involved in a car accident or any of the other bad things that happened during this time...I went through stages of hating everyone and the world around me, but I've made it to the end of that era of my life and I believe myself to be a much better and happier person. I will always consider that to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life, I will always hate that I let society and the educational system determine which direction my life would go in, but I will learn from these mistakes. 

I can be the most inspired and determined person in the entire world, but for that I have to have passion, without the passion the determination and inspiration is not going to be there. I won't seek a career in movie making, I will however try to reconnect the passion I once had, I will try to learn to love media the way I once did.

I do hope to somewhere down the line pursue a career in photography, or travel blogging, or writing. The two biggest things in my life right now are writing and photography, it would be an absolute dream come true to gain a career in these industries, all I can do is work at it, maybe somewhere down the line I will make dreams come true, but for now I will make my dreams of seeing the world come true. 

My story doesn't end here, my story begins here...the future is a wonderful thing full of mysteries. All I can do now is send my CV out everywhere in the hope that someone wants me, in the hope that someone sees my potential and believes in me. 

Life for me right now is about being happy. I'm going to go on some wonderful adventures, hopefully with my camera in hand and the man of my dreams stood by my side. I'm going to take beautiful pictures because that's what I do best. I'm never going to stop dreaming, I'm never going to stop blogging, I'm back and I'm not going anywhere.

Ashleigh
xo 

Be Brave: Hello May - Rant, Reflection and Goal Setting

Hey there May, how's it going? I've been waiting for you anxiously, it's rather nice to see you to be honest! 

April has been one of the hardest months of my entire life. I would honestly like to feel hopeful that May is going to throw some good news and positivity my way, but with all of the heartbreak that I have endured during April I can't really see that happening, I will try to be hopeful. 

So like I just said, April has honestly been one of the hardest months that I have ever lived through, the hardest since the passing of Grandaddy P. Honestly, it breaks my heart knowing how much pain Granny P is in at the moment, it's breaking me down. I know that I have to stay strong for her, I know that every time I see her beautiful face I have to be brave, I have to show her that it's not killing me inside, even though it is. 

I've spent so much of April breaking down emotionally that I'm struggling to find my happy place, I'm struggling to remember a time before this, it feels like we've been living with this for longer than we have. People often tell you to prepare yourself for the worst when a situation like this occurs, but I don't think that's possible at all, you can expect something but the moment that it actually happens it's going to break your heart, possibly and probably more than you thought it was going to, it doesn't matter that you've tried to avoid feeling like that. 

I pray every single day that Granny P will recover, I pray that her pain will vanish and that she will become the Granny P that my family adore and miss so very, very much. I pray that we aren't going to lose her because I don't know what I would do or who I would be without her, I don't know how I would get past that. For as long as I have lived I had always thought of her as invincible, even through the passing of my Granddad. I never once thought I would ever lose her, she was always my invincible Grandmother. 

Family is the most important thing in this world, more important that money, power and pride, it comes hand and hand with happiness. Family is my happy place and right now it's broken and I pray that it's not broken beyond repair. Remember the good times, that's what everyone tells you, but it's not that simple.

I'm going to be honest with you straight away, I didn't check up on my goals at all during April and I doubt that I've completed many of them, hopefully May will be a better month.

APRIL GOALS

• Fix my sleeping pattern.
• Wake up in time for the sunrise as often as I can.
• Read 4 books.
• Decorate Easter Eggs.
• Bake Easter Egg cupcakes.
• Work towards achieving my dreams. 
• Complete 4 chapters of my book.
• End procrastination for good.
• Disconnect from the world when working.
• Fly a kite.
• Complete the 'walk in her shoes' challenge. 
• Blog every week.
• Visit many book stores and read many books
• Visit a farmers market.
• Pick fresh berries.
• Be happy. 

I told you I didn't complete much, I'm honestly surprised that I completed anything!

MAY GOALS

• Wake up in time for the sunrise every morning. I'm actually really excited to fullfill this goal, I often find this a ever growingly hard thing to do, mainly because I'm such a night owl, but I do love mornings, I love the morning feeling (if you ignore the waking up part).
• Read 4+ books. I absolutely adore reading, I have a huge pile of books that I need to make a start on and I hope that during May I have plenty of time to start them.
• Spend loads of time with Granny P. I want to spend as much time with Granny P as possible, I'm so scared of what might happen, I'm so scared of losing her. I have to spend as much time with her as I possibly can because I adore spending time with her. 
• Help Mummy P move home. So my mums finally moving home and town, which is going to suck a little more me, but I'm really excited for her, she deserves and needs this. 
• Work towards achieving my dreams. I'm going to have to see how May pans out before I can fully dedicate myself to working towards this goal this month, fingers crossed that I have the time for this. 
• Make progress of my book. I've started writing a book and I'm quite excited about it, I haven't wrote all too much, but it's going to take some time. 
• End procrastination for good. I'm a master at procrastination, but it's something that irritates me about myself.
• Disconnect from the world when working. This was something that I managed to do last month, I've found it to become quite a positive thing, I get a lot more done without the internet. 
• Blog every week. I love blogging about anything and everything, especially my feelings and what's going on in my life, so expect plenty of posts this month. 
• Visit many book stores and read many books. As I've said, I love reading, adore it actually, I can't wait for this one. 
• Be happy. Happiness is the most important thing in this life. 

I can't help but apologise for my emotional breakdown at the beginning of this post, but if you know me personally or you have experienced something like this then you will know what I am going through and how I am feeling.

I pray that May is a better month than April.

I pray for no more bad news, I can't handle anymore bad news.

I pray Granny P recovers.

I pray life gets better.

Have a lovely month,

Ash. xx