Reasons I am 20 and single

People fall in and out of love all the time and it's a huge part of life. 

Recently I have come to realise that there is no rush in finding the truest form of love. For we are still young and that should be enjoyed. These are the days we will never get back, this is our youth and we should live it for us. These are the years that we should be spending building a life for ourselves, a career, travelling and being happy. The time will come when love get's it's turn in life, that's the moment you start a family, expanding the life that you have created for yourself.

Never rush your life, enjoy being young whilst you are still young.

I'm currently 20 and single and do you know what? I'm loving it! Life's easier when you are living your life for you rather than for someone else. Your 20's are your selfish years and I aim to take advantage of that, I'm going to live my life how I want to, just for me. I'm going to finish uni, build a career and travel as much as possible.

Here's a list of the reasons I am currently single…enjoy?

Staying in > going out.

I have noticed a lot of people, some who I have been close to in the past, really don't understand my need and want to stay in rather than go out. Clubs are most certainly not my scene, I can't think of anything more that I would hate doing. I'd much rather spend my Friday evening with my xbox completing a Halo campaign or ranking up as much as humanly possible on Call of Duty (Maybe it's not a humane amount…maybe it's a little excessive) or even sat watching episode after episode of any television show on Netflix (Because I will watch them all, I don't care what they are about)

I want to travel.

Is it just me or does it become harder to travel the second you commit to a relationship? You might not agree with this, but your idea of traveling compared to mine might be a completely different thing. I want to be able to pack my bags and spend days, weeks, months or even years in a country just because I can and I don't want anything holding me back from this. People expect you to stick around for them but the second you start doing this you begin missing out on opportunities that could have changed your life. I want to see as much of the world as I possible can and preferably whilst I am young, I want to visit country after country, see things I've only ever dreamed about and it's the most exciting part of life to me. 

Commitment

How can you commit to something at such a young age? How do you know where you're going to be in 5 years time, or what you're going to be doing. A relationship means tying yourself down, as much as most people won't want to agree with this, it's completely true! The moment you get into a relationship, every little thing in your life changes, maybe it's for the better, but from my past relationships I know that I have missed out on so many opportunities and I will never forgive myself for this…plus, I can't even commit to watching a film on Netflix, I often get bored, committing to a person is a much bigger thing, but you get the idea. 

Sleep makes me happy

I like to sleep, I really do and other people wouldn't understand. The moment you say "I woke up at 2 today" you are going to get some funny looks. It doesn't make me lazy! You don't know how long i stayed up the previous night!

My Best friend > You

My best friend is my soul mate and that's pretty much it. The hardest person for anyone to compete with is her. I basically have a life partner in her…minus the, well, let's not go into that actually. Everything I could ever want to do in life I could do with her, without the whole "commitment" thing. I want to get a house with her? That's fine, we're besties, we're never falling out! I want to travel? I wouldn't want to travel with anyone but her, mainly because we are hilarious and it would be the most amazing experience ever. The only person in this entire world who isn't going to judge you for who you are is your best friend  they don't care if you've been sat in the same spot for 2 weeks straight watching continues episodes of Supernatural in your pyjamas with no make up on, in fact, they will probably applaud you for the fact that you've managed to watch 5 seasons of Supernatural in 2 weeks, that's a huge achievement. 

I hate people

How can you be in a relationship with another human being when you generally dislike most of the human population? It's just not really going to work is it? People do irritate me though, the stupidity and eagerness to irritate one another…no thank you! I'll be fine with 28 cats thank you!

Fictional characters and celebrities

I'm in a one way relationship with WAY too many people (Jensen Ackles, Zac Efron, Louis Tomlinson, Danny Jones, Luke Hemmings, James McVey, Justin Long, Shaun Sipos etc) and quite frankly, I just don't think that there is any room in my life for another guy.

I'm waiting for a mad man in a box.

The Doctor will come, contrary to popular belief he will and we will travel time and space together, lot's of wibbly wobbly timey wimey fun will be had…

I have an unhealthy relationship with my xbox

My xbox is my entire world, if I could spend my entire life playing xbox I would…I should have became a games tester! Seriously though, I can't get enough, games are my life, it's the thing I do as soon as I walk in from a long day of university…although it stresses me out more than university. Everyone who plays COD probably needs anger management, I am included in this. OH! Guess what you can get on xbox? NETFLIX! My relationship with Netflix is just too much. I recently started watching Orange Is The New Black, it took me around 3 days to finish watching 2 seasons of this show…I can't explain this okay! 

I don't have the time!

I'm a University student, actually, I'm a final year University student! This takes up A LOT of time, especially with being in my final year, I am forever writing scrips, completing paper work, completing coursework, doing assessments and it really is very time consuming. As well as this I have to split my time evenly between my two best friends…my actual best friend (Purple Tits) and my xbox and it's extremely hard to distribute the time evenly between the two. I also have a family! I already have no time left and I have to find some hours in my week to see them! Can you see my problem now?

My Degree 

This is the most important thing to me in my life right now and nothing can come in the way of it. I have messed up so many times in my life and this is the time I need to get it right! My degree determines my career and I won't be happy with anything lower than a high 2.1/1st, I haven't got myself into around £50,000 worth of debt just to get a degree classification that I am not happy with!

10 other reasons:

1. My life is too busy as it is for a relationship.
2. I hate having to tell someone everything about my life…what I've done all day, where I've been etc. 
3. I can't base my life around another human being…
4. I can't cook and I hate cleaning…do it yourself please!
5. I want at least 18 cats.
6. I hate meeting new people.
7. The Internet...
8. If you're in a relationship, you're expected to share your pizza…I don't want to share my pizza.
9. Nothing beats a food night and movie/television show marathon…NOTHING!
10. I'm awkward.

This is just the reasons why I am single, I'm happy for all those who are in a relationship and are happy, good for you! Everyone is different and that's just not what I want right now. 

Live your life for you, be happy, that's all that matters! 



Until next time! 

xo 

Inked up!

These days there are quite a lot of people whom are into the tattoo craze. Quite a lot of people have at least one, whether it is on show or hidden, and quite a lot of these people go back for more. There are still people who don’t like them, which is perfectly fine.

As someone who has always had a big love for tattoos and has recently just got my first one (many more to follow), I have noticed that for whatever the reason, people who dislike your tattoos insist on letting you know. I completely understand why people dislike tattoos and I have nothing against that, people are allowed their own opinions. At the end of the day not everyone is going to like your tattoo, the thing that bothers me is when people feel the need to treat a person differently or even insult them because of these choices.

I’ve found that as soon as you do decide to get a tattoo, people will start to look at you differently, especially if it’s very noticeable. People are going to dislike them and they are really going to let you know and it’s going to bring you down. I’ve never personally had someone come up to me making remarks on how much they dislike my tattoo, but I know people who have and I know it can really hurt. The looks are just as bad. Those people who are sat there staring at you, whispering under their breath, they are just as bad. I dislike people being mean to me in anyway, especially being such a sensitive person, so I often find behavior like this hard to deal with. The moment someone starts a conversation with you about how much they love and appreciate your tattoo is going to make all of these bad vibes disappear. From first hand experience I can tell you that someone really appreciating your tattoo can really make your entire day. At the end of the day, as long as you are happy with the way you look, why should anyone else’s opinion matter?

I’ve noticed a lot of older people really dislike tattoos, especially those who are mothers or even grandmothers. I guess they just really don’t like to see their children alter their bodies in such a permanent way, which I really understand. Parents believe they created something so perfect that something like this could ruin that creation. This isn’t true.

Tattoos are a way of presenting to everyone who you are as an individual. I don’t think that there is anything wrong with expressing your personality on your body, it’s a very personal thing and it should be respected whether you like them or not.

I think it’s a beautiful form of art. Some people do get tattoos for stupid reasons, maybe because they were drunk or for a bet, but that’s for them to deal with.

People with tattoos can be really fascinating, especially when finding out the stories behind their tattoos. Some people get their tattoo for no other reason than they wanted it, which is perfectly fine. If you want it go ahead and get it! It doesn’t affect anyone else and his or her opinions don’t matter one bit. If it doesn’t affect you personally then I don’t see how what tattoos some has or the reasons behind them affects you.

 People with tattoo's can be really fascinating; the stories behind them and the meaning of the tattoo can be really interesting to hear. Some people just get them because they want them, is there really anything wrong with that? If it doesn't affect you personally then I don't see how it's such a big problem. 

Once you decide to take the plunge and get a tattoo you will find it very hard to not go back and get another. I’ve noticed a lot of people who have had one have been itching for their next. It’s an addiction. It’s not the end of the world, surely being addicted to tattoos is better than being addicted to drugs or any other self destructive substance, so take that into consideration.

 I would insist that if you are not sure about getting a tattoo then you shouldn’t do it. Removing one is very expensive and it’s just a whole lot of wasted money in the end. Ever since I was 16 I couldn’t wait for my first tattoo…that was until I turned 18 and realised I probably wasn’t mature enough to decide what I wanted, because it’s a big decision and should never be taken lightly. I’m glad I did wait because the tattoos I would have got then I would not have wanted now; I’d have regretted them on a huge scale. Tattoos are going to change your life, you’re going to get people who love them and people who hate them, there’s nothing you can do about that. I’m so happy I finally decided to get my first tattoo; I can’t wait to add more to my body.

I can’t wait to express myself with who I am and what I love, it’s going to be an exciting journey.

xo

This is me

I've spent so many hours, days and years of my life trying to love myself, who I am and who I am always going to for the entirety of my life…I find it so hard.

This is always going to be me, I'm never going to change, maybe one day I will be skinny, maybe even pretty but I find that one of the hardest things to believe. I'm never going to be the skinny, beautiful girl who is amazing at everything. This is me. I am always going to be me, I need to learn to accept myself. It's so hard looking around me at everyone else, realising that I'm never going to be like them, I'm always going to be me, I need to accept it. I try so hard, some days I think "Hey, you don't look half bad" Then I take a second glance in the mirror. I hope that in the future I don't hate myself as much as I do now, I hope I learn to accept myself.

When I look back at my life, to this time last year, one thing I realise is that although I have never liked myself, I liked myself much more then than I do now. I have spent the past year of my life trying to improve myself so that I can love myself…so why do i hate myself now more than ever? I hate so much about myself, I do like my eyes, it's possibly the one thing about myself that I do like and that's just because they are different and looking back, I used to hate those too. Its good to like one thing about myself right? But there are still so many other things that I have spent my life wanting to change, wanting to be different. 

I'm not going to lie, I am quite scared that I will never accept who I am, I will never accept how I look and that this if my face, the only face I will have, these are my legs and this is my stomach, and perfect is the last thing I am. I know that some things can be changed and I will do everything in my power to change what can be changed, but what do i do about the things that cant be changed? Do I just hate them for the rest of my life? I hope not.

I'm scared that I am always going to be socially awkward. I never used to be so awkward socially, not until my accident, until I feared leaving my house and having any form of human contact. I find every situation awkward, people think I'm stuck up or just rude because I don't talk to them, I can't stress enough that this isn't the case. I have genuine fears of talking to people, I can't handle the pressure, people are too judgemental and I hate it. I can't even talk to my university tutors properly, not without getting hot sweats resulting in me almost having panic attacks, I just can't handle it, I find it so overwhelming and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how I will ever be successful in myself and my life if I find every situation awkward. 

I can't stand the looks people give you. Maybe they aren't aimed at you, or you're seeing something that isn't really there, maybe you're reading into something too much, but you don't realise that and they don't know and it hurts. People hurt people more than anything else. People are the cruellest species. I would rather be a cat spending my days eating and sleeping, not caring if I was fat because a fat cat is cute…in fact a fat anything is cute, apart from humans. If we are fat we are ugly and we are made to feel the lowest of the low. 

I see people, who aren't perfect and they love themselves and I have spent so much of my life wondering how they do it. Why can't I do it? Why do I find it so hard? Some days I just want to be someone else, I just want to look like someone else. Some days I accept myself a little, I think about how much I'm going to love myself in the future and how it's just going to take time, but I'm unsure. 

I spend so much of my life pretending that I am happy with myself, no one else needs to know that I'm not, positive energy reflects upon everyone and as soon as one person acts negatively, everyone does.

I hope one day I look back and laugh at how stupid I was being, I hope I learn to love myself because how and why do I expect other people to love me if I can't even love myself.

xo