Chapter Four: April

I know, I know, I haven't been posting as much as I promised that I would this year, I definitely haven't been keeping on top of my goals as much as I had planned to, in fact I didn't even set any for the month of March! It's all going to change, don't worry your pretty little heads!

Hello glorious Friday! I never understood why people enjoyed Friday's so much, I guess most people finish work for the week, but not I! I think each and every day is just as beautiful as the next, maybe that's the reason why. To be honest with you, I don't seem to work that many Friday's although I am this week! I always find my days off to be hectic, even more so than my work days, maybe because there's so much that I need to do, and also so much that I want to do, and i just can't possibly find the time to do all of it.

It seems a little strange when you think of a new month starting on a Friday, it feels like the end of the week (even though it isn't) and I guess you'd just expect a new month to always start at the beginning of the week, I don't know.

Making April Happen

Monthly Goals:

1. Read 4+ books. I really want to get back into reading a lot more, it's something I miss, a lot! It's something I struggle to find the time to do, but something I will start making time for!

2. WRITE! Writing is one of the things I love the most, I just need to write more, it's going to make me happier, whether this is blogging, script writing, or even finally starting that book I've been meaning to start.

3. Blog at least once a week. I adore blogging about anything and everything, sometimes I do find it hard to find the time to do it every week, but that's hopefully going to change!

4. Read before bed. I need to find a way to wind down before sleeping, something that doesn't involve technology.

5. Watch 25 films. I adore films, every single kind, so let's see how many I can watch this month.

6. Say NO to fast food! It's usually without noticing what I'm doing that I purchase some form of fast food, this is the month that I won't touch any, no matter what.

7. Spending freeze. I find myself forever spending unnecessary month, how am I ever to save for my worldly adventures if I am to continue this way? That's why this month I won't be spending any money on anything I don't need, wanting something isn't a good enough reason to blow my dollar.

8. Enjoy the little things. Sometimes in life, the little things can be the most amazing things, these are the things that each of us need to learn to appreciate more, I need to appreciate everything a lot more.

9. Simplify. It's time to get rid of the things that aren't needed in my life, whether that be clothing, paperwork, or toiletries, it's time to make space for the things that I actually need in my life.

10. Be happy.

Weekly Goals:

1. Read an entire book every week.
2. Blog at least once a week.
3. Visit the cinemas.
4. Make time for writing.
5. Disconnect from the world once a week.
6. Sort through files and e-mails.

Daily Goals:

1. Read every night before going to bed.
2. Wear my glasses every single day.
3. Eat home cooked meals.
4. Take a photograph every day.

Do you have any goals for this month? 

Share them in the comments below!

Stay Strong: Hello June, Goodbye May

Sitting at my dining room table peering through the window next to me, I can't help but find it hard to believe that we've already made it to June, the weather really doesn't look like June weather, but then again, this is England!

Last month I told you how April had been one of the hardest months of my life and I was feeling hopeful for May…May was even worse than April, by a mile!

My beautiful Grandmother was taken to hospital during April of 2015 and in just over a month we found out various horrible things, the worst being that she was fighting a battle with cancer and on the 9th May 2015 my Grandmother unfortunately lost her battle and it has completely broken me as a person.

My family and I suffered a tragic loss, her soul now rests with my wonderful Grandad, I can't help but feel grateful for the last 21 years that I got to spend with her, she was my grandmother, she will always be my grandmother, but now she has been reunited with the love of her life and I will always love and miss her more than words could ever express.

On the 26th of May a funeral was held for my Gran ts Halton Lea Crematorium, saying goodbye to her didn't seem right, nor real, everything happened so fast that is just seemed like a nightmare, I wish that was all it had been.

Finding my happy place is so hard at the moment, I can't seem to find it, no matter how hard I try. My mind forever returns back to my Gran and from that moment onwards all I can do is cry uncontrollably.

Seeing someone you love suffering in such a horrible and painful way is one of the most hardest and heartbreaking things that you could ever experience. I really hope that my Gran is now happy, I hope she's no longer hurting, and most importantly, I hope that she knows how much we adore her, how much she means to us, that we will never, ever stop thinking about her and that we love and miss her dearly.

I'm trying to stay strong, but it's so hard knowing that I will never see her face again, never hear her laugh again, my heart is broken, but I'm so glad that she's no longer in pain.

The reality of it all is that you will grieve forever. You will not get over the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss that you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same again. Nor should you be the same, nor should you want to be.

Goodnight Gran, I love you more than words could ever explain and I miss you dearly.

This isn't goodbye, this is just so long for now because we will meet again one day, send our love to Grandad.

Sleep tight 

xxxx

                                                                                                                                                                        

Looking back on May, aside from all of the bad, I'm finding it incredibly difficult to reflect on the rest of the month, it all seems like such a blur.

My handsome boyfriend and I attending our second NTL screening, which was a play by George Bernard Shaw called Man and Superman.

I was absolutely speechless by the end of this play, it was incredibly remarkable. There was some brilliant talent included within the play and it was incredibly intelligent. 

If you ever have the chance to attend this play, take that chance because you won't be disappointed. 
                                                                                                                                                                        

MAY GOALS

• Wake up in time for the sunrise every morning. I'm actually really excited to fullfill this goal, I often find this a ever growingly hard thing to do, mainly because I'm such a night owl, but I do love mornings, I love the morning feeling (if you ignore the waking up part). - I've almost got this one!
• Read 4+ books. I absolutely adore reading, I have a huge pile of books that I need to make a start on and I hope that during May I have plenty of time to start them.
• Spend loads of time with Granny P. I want to spend as much time with Granny P as possible, I'm so scared of what might happen, I'm so scared of losing her. I have to spend as much time with her as I possibly can because I adore spending time with her. 
• Help Mummy P move home. So my mums finally moving home and town, which is going to suck a little more me, but I'm really excited for her, she deserves and needs this. 
• Work towards achieving my dreams. I'm going to have to see how May pans out before I can fully dedicate myself to working towards this goal this month, fingers crossed that I have the time for this. 
• Make progress of my book. I've started writing a book and I'm quite excited about it, I haven't wrote all too much, but it's going to take some time. 
• End procrastination for good. I'm a master at procrastination, but it's something that irritates me about myself.
• Disconnect from the world when working. This was something that I managed to do last month, I've found it to become quite a positive thing, I get a lot more done without the internet. 
• Blog every week. I love blogging about anything and everything, especially my feelings and what's going on in my life, so expect plenty of posts this month. 
• Visit many book stores and read many books. As I've said, I love reading, adore it actually, I can't wait for this one. 
• Be happy. Happiness is the most important thing in this life

During May I began to find it incredibly difficult to stick to my goals, life was out of my hands and I couldn't determine the way the month was going to pan out, but this just means some of  May's goals will be returning as June's goals.
                                                                                                                                                                        

JUNE  GOALS

• Wake up in time for the sunrise every morning. I'm actually really excited to fullfill this goal, I often find this a ever growingly hard thing to do, mainly because I'm such a night owl, but I do love mornings, I love the morning feeling (if you ignore the waking up part).
• Gain myself a job. This is the only thing that I now need in my life to make myself pretty much perfect. Plus, once I've done this, I can start saving to travel!
• Read 4+ books. I absolutely adore reading, I have a huge pile of books that I need to make a start on and I hope that during May I have plenty of time to start them.
• Celebrate my Mother's Birthday. My mum turns 50 this year, although she'd hate me for telling you that! We have to make this Birthday the best one yet, especially with all of the bad that happened last month.
• Work towards achieving my dreams. I'm going to have to see how May pans out before I can fully dedicate myself to working towards this goal this month, fingers crossed that I have the time for this. 
• Make more progress of my book. I've started writing a book and I'm quite excited about it, I haven't wrote all too much, but it's going to take some time. 
• End procrastination for good. I'm a master at procrastination, but it's something that irritates me about myself.
• Finish sorting out my room. I've only just started making my room my own, it's becoming my own little escape from the world, my little hide out. I've been surrounding myself with memories, pictures and quotes of things I love. 
• Disconnect from the world when working. This was something that I managed to do last month, I've found it to become quite a positive thing, I get a lot more done without the internet. 
• Blog every week. I love blogging about anything and everything, especially my feelings and what's going on in my life, so expect plenty of posts this month. 
• Visit many book stores and read many books. As I've said, I love reading, adore it actually, I can't wait for this one. 
• Be happy. Happiness is the most important thing in this life

I honestly hope that June gives me a funner ride than April and May because I cannot handle another bad month.

I pray that June is a better month that May.

I pray for no more bad news, I can't handle anymore bad news.

I pray that everything in my life will work out.

I pray that life gets better.

I hope June ends up being all you hope for it to be

Signing off

Ash.

xx

Be Brave: Hello May - Rant, Reflection and Goal Setting

Hey there May, how's it going? I've been waiting for you anxiously, it's rather nice to see you to be honest! 

April has been one of the hardest months of my entire life. I would honestly like to feel hopeful that May is going to throw some good news and positivity my way, but with all of the heartbreak that I have endured during April I can't really see that happening, I will try to be hopeful. 

So like I just said, April has honestly been one of the hardest months that I have ever lived through, the hardest since the passing of Grandaddy P. Honestly, it breaks my heart knowing how much pain Granny P is in at the moment, it's breaking me down. I know that I have to stay strong for her, I know that every time I see her beautiful face I have to be brave, I have to show her that it's not killing me inside, even though it is. 

I've spent so much of April breaking down emotionally that I'm struggling to find my happy place, I'm struggling to remember a time before this, it feels like we've been living with this for longer than we have. People often tell you to prepare yourself for the worst when a situation like this occurs, but I don't think that's possible at all, you can expect something but the moment that it actually happens it's going to break your heart, possibly and probably more than you thought it was going to, it doesn't matter that you've tried to avoid feeling like that. 

I pray every single day that Granny P will recover, I pray that her pain will vanish and that she will become the Granny P that my family adore and miss so very, very much. I pray that we aren't going to lose her because I don't know what I would do or who I would be without her, I don't know how I would get past that. For as long as I have lived I had always thought of her as invincible, even through the passing of my Granddad. I never once thought I would ever lose her, she was always my invincible Grandmother. 

Family is the most important thing in this world, more important that money, power and pride, it comes hand and hand with happiness. Family is my happy place and right now it's broken and I pray that it's not broken beyond repair. Remember the good times, that's what everyone tells you, but it's not that simple.

I'm going to be honest with you straight away, I didn't check up on my goals at all during April and I doubt that I've completed many of them, hopefully May will be a better month.

APRIL GOALS

• Fix my sleeping pattern.
• Wake up in time for the sunrise as often as I can.
• Read 4 books.
• Decorate Easter Eggs.
• Bake Easter Egg cupcakes.
• Work towards achieving my dreams. 
• Complete 4 chapters of my book.
• End procrastination for good.
• Disconnect from the world when working.
• Fly a kite.
• Complete the 'walk in her shoes' challenge. 
• Blog every week.
• Visit many book stores and read many books
• Visit a farmers market.
• Pick fresh berries.
• Be happy. 

I told you I didn't complete much, I'm honestly surprised that I completed anything!

MAY GOALS

• Wake up in time for the sunrise every morning. I'm actually really excited to fullfill this goal, I often find this a ever growingly hard thing to do, mainly because I'm such a night owl, but I do love mornings, I love the morning feeling (if you ignore the waking up part).
• Read 4+ books. I absolutely adore reading, I have a huge pile of books that I need to make a start on and I hope that during May I have plenty of time to start them.
• Spend loads of time with Granny P. I want to spend as much time with Granny P as possible, I'm so scared of what might happen, I'm so scared of losing her. I have to spend as much time with her as I possibly can because I adore spending time with her. 
• Help Mummy P move home. So my mums finally moving home and town, which is going to suck a little more me, but I'm really excited for her, she deserves and needs this. 
• Work towards achieving my dreams. I'm going to have to see how May pans out before I can fully dedicate myself to working towards this goal this month, fingers crossed that I have the time for this. 
• Make progress of my book. I've started writing a book and I'm quite excited about it, I haven't wrote all too much, but it's going to take some time. 
• End procrastination for good. I'm a master at procrastination, but it's something that irritates me about myself.
• Disconnect from the world when working. This was something that I managed to do last month, I've found it to become quite a positive thing, I get a lot more done without the internet. 
• Blog every week. I love blogging about anything and everything, especially my feelings and what's going on in my life, so expect plenty of posts this month. 
• Visit many book stores and read many books. As I've said, I love reading, adore it actually, I can't wait for this one. 
• Be happy. Happiness is the most important thing in this life. 

I can't help but apologise for my emotional breakdown at the beginning of this post, but if you know me personally or you have experienced something like this then you will know what I am going through and how I am feeling.

I pray that May is a better month than April.

I pray for no more bad news, I can't handle anymore bad news.

I pray Granny P recovers.

I pray life gets better.

Have a lovely month,

Ash. xx

Goodbye March, Hello April! : Reflection and Goal setting

First of all I'd just like to announce that I am now on Bloglovin'  so come check me out Here

I've recently realised that I need to start checking up on what goals have been set for the month, it seems I completely forget about them until the time comes to set more goals.

Here's how I did with the goals of March:

MARCH GOALS

• Fix my sleeping pattern.
• Wake up in time for the sunrise as often as I can.
• Read 4 books.
• Keep the house clean.
• Try not to burn any food.
• Work towards achieving my dreams.
• Have 4 chapters of my book complete.
• Blog every week.
• End procrastination for good.
• Disconnect from the world when working.
• Split my time evenly between the things and people that matter.
• Be happy.

I'm quite looking forward to April, I'm excited to see what will come of this month. This is the month of the bunnies and the eggs and it will be marvellously chocolatey. Life's been amazing recently, here's to hoping it stays this way! 

APRIL GOALS

• Fix my sleeping pattern.
• Wake up in time for the sunrise as often as I can.
• Read 4 books.
• Decorate Easter Eggs.
• Bake Easter Egg cupcakes.
• Work towards achieving my dreams. 
• Complete 4 chapters of my book.
• End procrastination for good.
• Disconnect from the world when working.
• Fly a kite.
• Complete the 'walk in her shoes' challenge. 
• Blog every week.
• Visit many book stores and read many books
• Visit a farmers market.
• Pick fresh berries.
• Be happy. 

I have a really good feeling about April and I cannot wait!

Until next time xo!

p.s. stay positive! 

Goodbye February, Hello March: A reflection of the previous month and goal setting

I find it a little crazy that we've managed to find ourselves in March already, we're now a quarter of our way into 2015, maybe this is a good time to reflect on the year so far?

So far in 2015…

• I have turned 21.
• Moved in with my best friend.
• Realised how much I have grown to dislike Media.
• Found myself a little bit.
• Met some new people.
• Realised how much I enjoy writing.
• Decided on some new life goals.
• Started a bucket list.
• Signed up for the walk in her shoes challenge 2015.
• Started dating a wonderful guy.
• Found new interests and hobbies.
• Watched an unhealthy amount of Bones.
• Started gaming on the xbox one.
• Realised what I need to change about my life and myself to make myself a happier person.
• Started blogging more.
• Had a job trial.
• Started to stress less.
• Had a 10 hour Eastenders marathon.
• Dip dyed my hair pink.
• Burnt a lot of food.
• Learnt new life skills.
• Had the best Birthday party with the best people
• Won every game of Monopoly I've played…and that's a lot of games.
• Became closer with my best friend, something we never thought possible.
• Grew apart from people, but grew closer to other.
• Started writing a book.

I've had a good start to 2015 so far, it's been a little bit of a bumpy ride so far, but what else can I expect? Life isn't perfect, there are always going to be challenges and things for you to overcome, it's how you look at them and tackle them that helps decide what kind of person you are.

A lot of things have changed in my life over the past few months, including quite a lot of things in the month of February, I'm feeling a lot happier, which is amazing. I already feel quite motivated and inspired, it's such a wonderful feeling.

My dreams are mine and they are mine to make a reality, nothing will stand in my way when it comes to my biggest dream of all; becoming a writer. 

I really look forward to the month of March, I have a really good feeling about this one, things are improving, things are changing and I'm feeling wonderful.

MARCH GOALS

• Fix my sleeping pattern.
• Wake up in time for the sunrise as often as I can.
• Read 4 books.
• Keep the house clean.
• Try not to burn any food.
• Work towards achieving my dreams.
• Have 4 chapters of my book complete.
• Blog every week.
• End procrastination for good.
• Disconnect from the world when working.
• Split my time evenly between the things and people that matter.
• Be happy.

I'm going to make March the best month yet, I'm so excited to see what the future holds, nervous, but excited and I look forward to sharing all my future experiences with you.

Until next time

xoxo

P.S. Nothing is worth it if you aren't happy.

Happy February!

When we first started 2015 I had planned on posting a lot more onto my blog, although you'll have to forgive me for the lack of posts during January, it was an extremely busy month.

I was aiming to post this on the 1st of February, unfortunately I managed to get a little sidetracked and quite clearly that didn't happen!

Last time I was here I spoke about getting a house with my best friend, it was quite an exciting time for us and guess what? It's finally happened! We have been living here for nearly a week and it's absolutely amazing. Everything about this is so surreal, we wake up some mornings and ask each other if this is real, because it's just too perfect to be real. Our little house is so much more perfect that I could have ever possibly dreamed it would be, it's our own little escape from the world, our own little den and I wouldn't want to share this experience with anyone else!

I think the craziest thing is that we have an entire house to ourselves, with no parents or siblings and it's completely crazy. We came up with this one rule, this rule being that as soon as you get to the top of the stairs you have to crawl or shuffle on your bum, there's no walking upstairs and you have to slide down the stairs ob your bum, it's great, right? 

January, for us, was essentially the month of parties. For the entirety of 2014 we stayed sober, it was a great thing to do, but 2015 is much different. We're only a month into the year, but we've already created some wonderful memories.

Things change, but some feelings stay the same.

In January I celebrated my 21st Birthday. It was the moment I really stopped for a moment and had a look a round, the moment I really truly noticed how much had changed since the last time I took a good look at the world. In all honesty, this is the best moment (minus all of the uni stress, but I don't want to go into that right now) I'm now 21, living with my most favourite person in the world and I really feel like things are looking up!

Things are looking up, looking up (hey!)

There's magic everywhere you go

Strangers stop to say hello (hello, hello, hello)

So turn it up, turn it up (hey!)

As lout as you can make it go

'Cause love is on the radio.

I believe that pictures speak louder than words, so here's my month in pictures!

Until next time! 

xoxo

October Goals

September Goals

- Stress less…now this one's going to be hard!

- Photograph a wedding. - 05/09/2014

- Fix my sleeping pattern.

- Wake up in time for sunrise at least one morning.

- Go back to university for my final year. - 15/09/2014

- Finish my scriptwriting for my dissertation project.

- Read You're the one that I want by Giovanna Fletcher

- Begin filming my dissertation project.

- Complete the Halo 3 campaign online with friends.

- Get a new tattoo…or two. - 27/09/2014

- Attend the gym 3 times a week, every week. 

- Have cute date nights with the boyfriend. 

- Keep my room clean!

- Try not to overspend.

- Stay on top of tidying…NO EXCUSES!

- Learn to love myself a little bit.

- Do something that I have never done before. - 05/09/2014

- Stop with the procrastination.

- Go to all of my uni classes…NO EXCEPTIONS!

- Be happy!

So during September I set myself 20 goals, although I didn't even manage to complete half of them, I am still quite proud of how many i did mange to achieve because this is the first time that I have ever tried anything like this.

So I'm going to try again this month, with some of the same goals and some new ones, I'll hopefully outdo September!

October Goals

- Stress less…now this one's going to be hard!

- Attend a Halloween party.

- Finish my scriptwriting for my dissertation project.

- Read You're the one that I want by Giovanna Fletcher

- Begin filming my dissertation project.
- Attend Ed Sheeran's concert on the 28/10/2014
- Go home more often.
- Go out and explore more, whether it be alone or with friends.
- Talk to more people.
- Keep my room clean!

- Stay on top of tidying…NO EXCUSES!

- Learn to love myself a little bit.

- Do something that I have never done before.

- Stop with the procrastination.

- Go to all of my uni classes…NO EXCEPTIONS!

- Be happy!

HAPPY OCTOBER FELLOW BLOGGERS! 

xo

September goals

So, September is finally here! University is about to start again and it's time to get my life back on track.

This is something new for me, something I'm going to try doing every month and naturally I'm going to aim to complete every goal I come up with. 

It's time to start feeling motivated! Time to take action!

September Goals

- Stress less…now this one's going to be hard!

- Photograph a wedding.

- Fix my sleeping pattern.

- Wake up in time for sunrise at least one morning.

- Go back to university for my final year.

- Finish my scriptwriting for my dissertation project.

- Read You're the one that I want by Giovanna Fletcher

- Begin filming my dissertation project.

- Complete the Halo 3 campaign online with friends.

- Get a new tattoo…or two.

- Attend the gym 3 times a week, every week. 

- Have cute date nights with the boyfriend. 

- Keep my room clean!

- Try not to overspend.

- Stay on top of tidying…NO EXCUSES!

- Learn to love myself a little bit.

- Do something that I have never done before.

- Stop with the procrastination.

- Go to all of my uni classes…NO EXCEPTIONS!

- Be happy!

So there's my goals for this month…looking at it now I have written it down makes it seem likes that's a lot to achieve in one month, but I'm going to give it a shot!

What are your September goals?

xo