It's been a minute

I’m back! Don’t worry, I know that no one has been sat there eagerly awaiting my next post, but that doesn’t stop me from hoping. It really had been a minute, 6 months worth of minutes to be exact and hopefully I’ll manage to stay for awhile this time. I’m really glad I took a break from blogging, I think everyone should do that every once in awhile. So many pressures come from blogging without even realising them, I would often find myself questioning what I’m posting and wondering why people would care about it, typing countless words only for them to be deleted a moment later. I’ve decided to create my content for myself going forwards, I’m not going to force myself into tight deadlines, I’m only going to post when I actually want to and I’m not going to worry about whether people are interested in everything I post because I can’t please everyone.

A lot has happened since I was last here, and I’m looking forward to sharing that with you in this post and in future posts.

In October my husband and I were sent to The Liverpool Women’s Hospital as we have been trying to conceive for over 12 months and have had no luck. Now you already know the journey I’ve been on with PCOS, and that I’m down a Fallopian tube and to be honest, that’s why they didn’t hesitate to transfer me to a fertility clinic. We attended a few appointments at the clinic and were told that the pro norms ultimately come down to me, which is something we already knew. I don’t qualify to have any kind of fertility treatment at the moment because I am currently above the preferred BMI. Knowing that they wouldn’t help me because of my weight absolutely broke my heart because your size doesn’t determine how much you deserve a child. Everything always comes down to weight, regardless as to whether that’s the cause of the problem, that’s the thing blamed for everything. During our experience at the fertility clinic, we were told it was unlikely that we would be able to conceive on our own because although I’m actually producing more eggs than normal, these eggs aren’t developing fully. I was put on Metformin, which is a drug for diabetes, but apparently helps with ovulation in women who suffer with PCOS. I was also put on something called Norethisterone, which forces my body to have a period every 3 months, I was out on this because I don’t have periods myself naturally. That’s one thing I would love, to have period naturally, now I’m on these pills I’m having the lest periods I’ve ever had. After being given the above medication we were discharged from the fertility clinic, and no I’m here. Still not pregnant. Having the worst periods.

I really am so glad to be back, and I'm already super excited about future posts, but until then ...

The Liebster Award

The Liebster Award

Hello lovelies, I hope you're all having a fabulous Sunday! So Yesterday the lovely Chloe at SimplyChloesBlogsBlog nominated me for the Liebster Award which is just a way for you to give recognition to some of your favourite bloggers whilst also finding new ones.

Little fact before we get started, "Liebster" has several definitions including: dearest, sweetest, kindest, nicest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, welcome, and sweetheart. After finding out what the word of German origin means, I just found the award so much lovelier after knowing this.

Rules 

1. Link back to the person of which nominated you.
2. Post 11 facts about yourself, preferably that you haven't previously shared on your blog.
3. Come up with 11 questions for your nominees to answer.
4. Nominate 11 blogs.
5. Let your nominees know that you have chosen them.  

11 Facts About Me

1. I have partial Spina Bifida, it's probably the rarest form because the only thing different about me is I have a kind of dimple above my coccyx.
2. I watch an unhealthy amount of movies, but I just love them.
3. I'm engaged to the love of my life, and we're marrying next year in Iceland.
4. I have a cat named Steve and he's a bit of psychopath, but I love him.
5. I have PCOS.
6. I have just had surgery that resulted in me losing one of my Fallopian tubes and reducing my chances even further of having children.
7. I have an obsession with murder documentaries.
8. I want to work with animals, but I'm not really sure how to get where I want to be.
9. I've been blogging for 3 years.
10. I'm currently trying to lose weight, become healthier, and just become a better me. 
11. I cry for no reason at all, and at most films.

Questions from Chloe

1. Favourite Disney Quote? "Where there is kindness, there is goodness, and where there is goodness, there is magic" - Cinderella
2. What is your biggest goal? It's quite clear that I love writing, and along with creating my blog and building that up, I aim to have at least one book published in the future.
3. Who is your inspiration and why? Zoe Sugg because she got to where she was by herself, and that means you or I can too. I also take inspiration from Taylor Swift and Demi Lovato because they are strong amazing women and I love them.
4. 3 things that make you happy? My family, the blogging community, and writing. 
5. If you could describe your blog in 3 words, what would the 3 words be and why? Personal, Honest, Positive.
6. What are your blogging goals for the month? I find myself becoming a part time blogger the further into my blogging journey I get, my main goal is to up my blogging game!
7. Where do you get your inspiration for your blog posts? Sometimes I'll gain inspiration from other bloggers, sometimes it'll just come out of nowhere.
8. Books or magazines? I never read magazines, but I absolutely love reading books, my favourite authors being Kathy Reichs, Stephen King, and Giovanna Fletcher.
9. Where is the one place you feel most like yourself? A bit of a cop out answer, but 100% in my house, it's probably the only place that I am 100% myself.
10. What is your favourite category on your blog? Lifestyle, I enjoy writing about things that matter.
11. Who inspires you? My fiance inspires me to be a better person ever single day just by being as amazing as he is.

Questions for you

1.  Do you enjoy reading? If yes, what are your top 5 books, if no, why not?
2. Where do you want to be 5 years from now?
3. Where do you take inspiration from?
4. What's your favourite animal, and why?
5. Why did you decided to start blogging?
6. What's the main theme that runs throughout your blog?
7. What did you want to be when you were younger?
8. Do you have a bucket list?
9. Have you ever overcame one of your fears?
10. What's your favourite part about blogging?
11. If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?
    

My Nominations

Charlene - https://charlenemcelhinney.co.uk/
Ashley - https://boomandblossom.com/ 

Billie - http://billilovesbeauty.blogspot.co.uk/

Becca & Tom - http://seewhatmummysays.com/

April - https://travellingwanderer.com/

Rebekah - http://www.bump2baby2.com/

Zara - http://www.itsallzara.co.uk/

Ellie - http://elliebowsandsparkles.blogspot.co.uk/

RayRayLou - https://rayraylou.wordpress.com/

Lynsey - https://littleluxuriesbylynsey.com/

Kate - https://girlmasked.wordpress.com/

Above I've listed a few blogs that I've enjoyed reading over the last few days, so go ahead and give them a read, I'm sure you won't be disappointed!

Thank you again for the nomination Chloe, you're a star!

Chapter Two: February

Chapter Two: February

Hello there beautiful February, it's nice to see you. Can you believe that we're in February already? January has completely flew by!

I have to admit that after a very stressful beginning to January, but lovely end, I am quite happy to see February, I'm looking forward to seeing what delightfulness it brings my way. 

January Goals

1. Prepare for the big move. I'm all moved in! Preparation for this took FOREVER, but I got it done, I got everything moved, and i got the house sorted. I'm so relieved.  

2. Enjoy working. Nope, nope, and nope.

3. Celebrate my Birthday in style. I've had the most perfect Birthday ever this year, I have been completely spoilt. 

4. Read 2 books. Check, and check! The Bazaar of Bad Dreams, and Girl online. 

5. Watch at least 25 films. We have watched way too many TV shows to even nearly complete this challenge. This month we managed to watch The Lost World: Jurassic Park, The Revenant, Acacia, From The Shadows, The 5th Wave, and Poltergeist. We're now going to have to try harder to watch more in February, but we did watch The Walking Dead season 5, Supernatural seasons 9, and 10, OZ season 6, American Horror Story season 4, Pretty Little Liars, season 6.

February Goals

1. Clear my overdraft. I've been stuck in a student overdraft for the past 4 years, and it's just to painful to think about. I'm nearly halfway to clearing it now though, and I'm hoping to get that done this month.

2. Shopping freeze. I need to begin to save, save, and save! There are so many things that I want to do, so many beautiful places I want to visit, and I really need to start saving so that we can live a wonderful life.

3. Read 2 books. I'm hoping to read at least 24 books this year, that's two a month, although I would love to surprise myself by completely annihilating that goal. 

4. Watch 25 films. I love movies, but I want to make sure I watch as many as humanly possible, so this year I'm aiming to watch AT LEAST 300 films, hopefully a lot more. 

5.  Enjoy working. Find a job that I truly enjoy. I know now more than most that I'm really not going to be able to work to my truest potential in a career that I just don't enjoy, I need to find a reason to look forward to getting up for work in the morning.

6. Be happy.

What have you got planned for February? 

Making January happen

January Goals

Hey again, it's me! Yes, I'm back again, how amazing is that? I hope you've all had a fantastic start to January so far. I've spent the last couple of days hanging with dear friends and preparing to move home, it's been quite marvellous, until I fell ill last night anyway, but I'm sure I can power through that as always.

I've already shared a good few posts with you this year and we're only on day 4, and I know I shared my overall goals for this year with you, but continuing with last years tradition, sharing monthly goals.

Monthly Goals: 

1. Prepare for the big move. At the end of this month I'm actually moving in with my partner ( I'm saying that as if I haven't mentioned it before haha!) and I have ALOT to do, including packing, tidying and just a lot of stuff. I'm going to write a check list of things that I need to do for this, I imagine the list will me longer that I am tall. 

2. Enjoy working. Find a job that I truly enjoy. I know now more than most that I'm really not going to be able to work to my truest potential in a career that I just don't enjoy, I need to find a reason to look forward to getting up for work in the morning.

3. Celebrate my Birthday in style. I'm incredibly excited for my Birthday this year, I have so many great friends that I'll hopefully spend a little bit of time with over this period. I'm especially looking forward to spending the actual day of my birth with my love. 

4. Attend Thomas' 2nd Birthday Party. My partners nephew turns 2 towards the beginning of next month and will be having a party towards the end of this month, children's parties are the best kinds of parties...cake. Yay! 

5. Read 2 books. I'm hoping to read at least 24 books this year, that's two a month, although I would love to surprise myself by completely annihilating that goal. 

6. Watch at least 25 films. I love movies, but I want to make sure I watch as many as humanly possible, so this year I'm aiming to watch AT LEAST 300 films, hopefully a lot more. 

I'm starting off a little lighter with my goals this month, especially considering how many goals I've already set myself this year. Following the end of this month I will post a recap of January, which will include my progression with the above goals and my goal setting for the month of February. 

I now need to go and sit in a dark room for awhile in the hope that this migraine disappears. 

Shopping is the greatest kind of therapy

So after spending yesterday packing, tidying, and basically causing myself physical damage, I decided to take myself on a little shopping trip with one of my loveliest friends. 

After a spot of dinner that cost way to much for me to even talk about, I decided to treat myself to a few little things...

Of course one thing you absolutely have to do when you're in Liverpool is take yourself on a little trip to Lush, which I absolutely adore, I love the overwhelming amount of scents that hit you as soon as you walk through the door. Today I found myself purchasing the Christmas Edition Shower Gel, Snow Fairy, which smells absolutely divine, and was on offer at HALF PRICE!  Apparently this shower gel is candy floss scented, but if you ask me it smells an awful lot like bananas...Mmmm. I also purchased a little robot bath bomb, mainly because it was a robot. haha. 

It's the start of 2016 and one thing I find myself doing at the beginning of EVERY year is buying myself loads of pads, journals, diaries, etc. I like to be organised at the beginning of the new year, I like to give myself the best possible chance of continuing this throughout the year, and what better way? So this is a new little book that I purchased today from Paperchase, and I think it's just the cutest. 

I love Doctor Who, period. I saw this and I just absolutely had to throw myself at that till and make that purchase. I can't wait to read this, it looks amazing...how exciting! 

I must have spent around £30 on all of this, but I'm thrilled with my little purchases. I managed to show an incredible amount of self control which I'm impressed with, I could have bought so much today.

Anyway, the world awaits...

The journey starts here!

HAPPY JANUARY 2ND 

Aloha friends! Just a quick post to let you know what I've been getting up to and to find out how 2016 is going for you? We're now two days into the year and I'm already feeling slightly stressed! haha. I guess stress is one of the more normal feelings that one has to deal with when moving house, but I am incredibly excited! 

So late in 2015 my partner and I decided that it was time to move in together, decided the best way to start off a new year and an amazing life together is to live together. 

Today I found myself in my 'current' house surrounded by boxes, boxes, and you guessed it...more boxes. All I've found whilst packing is that I'm actually making the house a lot messier than it originally was, a lot messier than I intended for it to be, but that's okay. 

I'm always, always excited as to what the future holds for me, but as of lately I have found myself more excited than ever, I've found out what it's like to be truly happy with life without even trying, and I'm loving it!

I'm hoping to find myself blogging more frequently now that some of the past stresses in my life have disappeared (yes, I am talking about towering piles of assignments). It's a new year and I'm leaving all of the the stress, hatred, and upset from the year before in the past, it really is a brand new start for me.

I hope this year turns out to be magical for each and ever one of us.

Until next time...

(Has no relation to -A from Pretty Little Liars)

New Year: Chapter One

Something about a brand new year just fills me with an overwhelming amount of excitement, ahh, I can smell the opportunities in the air. It fills me with complete joy to know that so much may happen this year, so much will happen this year, and I literally have no idea what the world has in store for me. 

The one thing i struggle with every year is setting my goals for the new year, mainly because they actually mean something to me,. I want each of my goals to be something I truly want to accomplish. 

So before I throw my goals of 2016 out there for all to see, I would just like to wish every one of you a Happy New Year, I hope you managed to bring in the New Year in the most magical way possible, I know that I sure did.

A new year can mean only one thing; new beginnings. This is the year, this is my year! This is the year I make things happen, make my wildest dreams come true, and I wish everyone the greatest of luck with whatever they have planned for the year ahead. 

I love the beginning of a new year, it's a whole 365 blank pages in the book of our life, a whole 365 pages that we can do anything with.

So without further ado, let's welcome in January! I hope that January is truly kind to you all, and you are to it. We're only going to get one January 2016, let's make it amazing! 

2016 Goals

1. Be fearless. Be in control of my own life. Make decisions without being afraid of the consequences. Stop imagining who I want to be and just become that person. Believe in me, if I can't do this then how can I expect someone else to? Stop being afraid of life. 

2. Stay motivated. Surround myself with people who inspire me and rid myself of those who don't. 

3. Do more things that make me happy. Find a reason to be happy. Live life how I want to, it's the only life I'm going to get, there's no point being unhappy. Travel. Meet new people. Explore. Find new passions. 

4. Cross something off my bucket list. NO EXCUSES!

5. Blog more. I'll be thankful of it when time has passed by, I'll be able to reread the experiences I have documented. 

6. Commit to kindness. Being good to people will be more rewarding than most other things in this world. Making other people happy will make me happy. Don't judge. 

7. Change something about my life that matters. Although I don't know what this is just yet, I'm sure I will know when the time is right. 

8. Take one picture everyday. The world is beautiful and wonderful things happen every day. It's time to make sure I remember them. 

9. Write a book. This is something I have been meaning to do for the longest time and this is the year I will make it happen. 

10. Dream it. Wish it. Do it. 

Other Things to do during 2016 

Move in with my gorgeous partner. 

Be more of a positive person.Be happy.Learn to love me.

Travel. Photograph EVERYTHING.

                                                                       Read many books.                                                                                           

I really hope that January is kind to you all, I hope many new doors open for you as every old door closes.

All the best!

    

Currently: Life Update

One thing that I haven't done in awhile is tell you what i'm currently loving, hating, reading and doing in life, so here's a little update on my life...

…reading  Girl Online by Zoella. I've began reading a lot more recently and I can honestly say that I've missed it so much, once upon a time I would reading would be all that I would do, then I found myself distracted my life, unable to concentrate, I guess that's when I know that I am sort of content with life, when I'm able to lose myself in a book.

…watching  too much, yet not enough. If there's one thing in this world that I adore it's watching films and television shows, I've literally just finished watching Daredevil and I must say that I was absolutely blown away with how fantastic it was. I'm thinking about starting Once Upon A Time soon, I've heard great things about this show. I'm also currently in the middle of watching various other shows such as; Bates Motel, Under The Dome, Bones and, Supernatural...

…trying to find myself a job. University is over and my life is moving forward, this is something that I've been excited about for the longest time, the time is here where I get to have control over my own life.

…eating Nothing, although it's now past lunch time, I should probably make some food once this post is done with.

…pinning EVERYTHING…I pin so much, fashion, crafts, places to fulfil my wanderlust, just everything.

…tweeting Usually about my blog, hoping to get it out there a little more, hoping that it will interest people.

…going to spend the rest of my day doing something productive. Productivity makes me feel like the day hasn't been wasted, it makes me feel alive.

…loving My family…more than anything. They are my rock, they are the people that keep me strong, even though sometimes it's hard, and when I say family, I do also mean my best friend and boyfriend, without them I wouldn't be who I am, I would be so much weaker right now.

…discovering that happiness is the key to life's success, that no matter how much you think someone is invincible, it doesn't make it true.

…enjoying  life.

...thinking about my Grandmother, which is the same thing that I have been thinking about for the past month, thinking that we still have time to make some beautiful memories.

…feeling content with life, happy that I have so many wonderful people in my life.

…hoping that everything is going to be okay.

...listening to Tich - Obsession.

…thanking  my loved ones for being who they are, for loving me and being there regardless.

…starting to plan my life.

Leave a comment and tell me what's currently been happening in your life

xo

The Fear of death

Ever since I was a little girl, my biggest fear was the idea of death, the night terrors that I used to have and still do have to this day, make these fears so much more intense. I can't even remember the amount of nights that I have woken up crying, or the nights that I was unable to sleep due to thinking and so desperately fearing death and all of the unanswered questions. Nothing in this world could ever comfort these thoughts, these are the thoughts that will stay with us for the entirety of our lives, mainly because the questions can never be answered. 

I'm now 21 and I find myself to be just as scared not as I was when I was a little girl. How can you expect these fears to go away when we can't ever possibly answer the questions? It's hard not to think about something that you fear, especially when trying to sleep, when your brain goes into overdrive.

Last night I found myself lay in bed struggling to sleep, with various thoughts coming into my brain, the subject of death screaming to be listened to. I can't help but fear what the world will become once I am done, I fear the idea of being gone, the ides of never being again, no one remembering that I ever was. I can't help but imaging what will happen after that, imagining the nothingness that I will feel…or won't feel. I can't help but hope that there is more to life than this inevitable, I hope that once we die, something else happens. I despise the idea of dying and never existing again, just disappearing into the dark abyss.

I fear oblivion, I fear it like the proverbial blind man fears the dark.

Death has always been a hard subject for me to process, it's hard to understand that this specific part of your future is inevitable, it's always going to happen and there's nothing that can stop this. There is no comfort in the idea of knowing that this happens to everyone, that there is no escaping it, in fact, this just helps to make these feelings so much worse, if I said that it makes my life feel claustrophobic would that sound stupid? This is because it's always around, it's never, ever going away. Thinking about this too much makes me feel physically sick, it sends my brain into overdrive, causes me to think about all of the unanswered questions that are often related with this subject…What happens when I die? What if I have nothing to leave behind? What happens to my loved ones?

If there is one thing in this world that we cannot avoid, it's fears and phobias, whether you like to admit it or not you are probably feared of something and it just so happens that one of the biggest world wide is the fear of death. Death means the end to everything for one individual, the end of everything that they knew, the end of everything that they used to be and everything that they could have ever been.

I've found that there's nothing that can stop my mind getting side-tracked  nothing that can stop me thinking and worrying about this. It's inevitable that once you leave this world, you will eventually be forgotten  everything that you have ever created will disappear with you, is that something we should fear? One of the worst things is not knowing when your time is going to come, not knowing how long you have to live your life. There are so many things that I want to do before it's my time to go, so many places that I want to visit, so many things that I want to experience. The idea of leaving behind something meaningful is wonderful, something that you can live through, some kind of legacy, to me that will be the family that I hope to one day create, my future children. 

Just as much as I fear leaving this world, I fear losing my loved ones. At 21, I have lost my more people in my life than I care to think about. The hardest thing that I have ever experienced was losing my beloved Granddad, knowing that I was never going to see his face again, I fear losing anyone else, I fear the breakdown that will come with that, I fear it more than anything. I'm just as scared of losing my loved ones as they are of losing me.

Spending time thinking and writing about this subject just makes me realise how precious life is, how much we often take it for granted, even though we shouldn't. We should not spend our time dwelling on the idea of dying, or the idea of losing those around us. We need to make every second of our lives count because we never know which moment is going to be our last. We should do what we enjoy in this life, achieve greatness, bring a family into the world and most importantly be happy. We should never let the idea of death take over our lives because it;s time will come. We should enjoy life as it is for what it is and remember that nothing in this life is worth is if you're not happy.

Until next time xoxo

April Playlist

Music takes me to another world

April has been a pretty hectic month for myself, a lot of changes have been made and I've been extremely stressed. Music is one of my favourite ways of escaping the world, my way of completely throwing myself into a dream world and forgetting reality. Throughout April I've listened to a varied amount of different music, so I thought I'd share the playlist that has helped me get from where I was this time last month, to where I am today…enjoy!

1. Mcbusted - Love Me Like You Do 

2. George Ezra - Listen To The Man

3. Taylor Swift - The Best Day

4. Olly Murs ft. Demi Lovato - Up

5. Mcfly - Love Is Easy 

6. Taylor Swift - Shake It Off 

7. 'N Sync - Bye Bye Bye

8. Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars - Uptown Funk 

9. Christina Perri ft. Ed Sheeran - Be My Forever 

10. Demi Lovato - BelieveIn Me

These musicians could get me through anything, I could listen to these 10 songs over and over again and never get bored. What's been stuck in your head throughout April?

Until next time xoxo

Invincibility doesn't exist

There's one major thing that you don't notice whilst you're younger, something that you continue not to notice as you grow older. That one thing is that everyone around you is growing older too, those people that you once thought were invincible don't look so invincible anymore.

Sometimes I look back and try to pin point exactly when I first noticed it, but I really can't put my finger on it, I don't know if I ever really began to notice. Your parents and grandparents kind of base their lives around you, you're one of their sole purposes for being who they are and doing what they do, they spend so much time looking after you when you're younger, helping you to decide the person that you're destined to be that we sometimes forget to take a good look at them, we just don't realise that as we are ageing, they are ageing too. 

The older I get, the more I worry. I'm 21 and I've already lost more people in my life than I care to think about, the most agonising being my beloved Granddad. One thing that's interesting about when I lost my Granddad was that I had never really noticed that he wasn't invincible, until he was ill, that was the moment that it hit me, like a bus, the moment that I realised that he isn't going to be here forever, the moment that I wondered how I could go on without him or any of my other loved ones. 

Losing people is by far the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with in my life, despite all of the bad things that have happened in my life. Nothing can ever soothe this pain, the next time you lose someone, it's just going to be as bad as the first time, it will never get better and that's the disastrous thing about losing people. 

Take a good long look as the people around you, the people who have looked after you since the day that you were born and just remember to love them as much as you humanly can, remember to spend as much time with them as possible and create memories that will be remembered for a lifetime. 

Family is one of the most important things to any one individual, never should it be taken for granted. 

"Family, where life begins and love never ends." 

Give what you can to those you love, especially your time, time is the most precious thing on this planet. Love like you have never loved before and create memories that will be burned into your brain for as long as you live. Show the people around you what they truly mean to you, don't for one second think that it's okay to postpone that, and most importantly, never let them forget what they mean to you.

Until next time xoxo