Moving forward

Each blogger will understand what I go through on a day to day basis when I talk about just staring at the blank blog post before me, struggling and trying to figure out what to blog about. I'm learning that I shouldn't let it be as hard as it sometimes is, I should just blog when it comes naturally to me instead of trying to force out random words onto the blank page before me. 

I've been sitting here for a good half an hour, just staring at this blank, white page, so clean, so empty…that's the problem, it's empty…well, not anymore!

As most of you know, if you occasionally look at my blog at least, I have been a University student for the past 3 years and with this comes a string of regrets, a string of crushed dreams and aspirations. One thing that I do like to think about my time at University it that it's helped me to grow as an individual. I can honestly say that if I had never took the plunge into University, then I wouldn't be who I am today, I might not have the life that I have today.

The past 3 years I have been filled with so much hatred for the world, for my degree, for the people on my degree, but it's not their fault, it's not my fault, it's the education systems fault, and although I dislike to try and lay blame onto other people, that's all I can do here. If I'd have never been told from such an early age that the only way to get a good job and be successful was to go to school and achieve great GCSE'S, then to College and then to University, then I'd have probably never even considered going to Uni. What's done is done, although the last 3 years have been the absolute bane of my existence. I can honestly say that I am now feeling happy, happier than I have in the longest of time. My life is about to start, I'm about to be released into the real world, to get a job, to have money, most importantly, to have control of my own life, which is something that I don't think I have ever had.

Like I have said, University helped me to grow as a person, it encouraged who I have become. 3 years ago I was a completely different person in so many ways. Uni has helped me to grow up mentally, it's helped me to age in a way I needed to, although maybe now my brain is too old for my age, but that's perfectly acceptable. Do you know what the greatest thing is? Soon I will never have to do another Uni assignment, I feel like I'll be set free, like a bird from a cage, it's a wonderful feeling. I've never in my life found anything as hard and as challenging as Uni, and although it's a wonderful thing to challenge yourself in life, it's also good to make sure that the thing that's challenging you is actually something that you want because if not, you're not going to give it your all, you're not going to care if you fail or succeed, but like they say, it's better to try and fail than never to try at all. 

I will forever regret applying for this degree and accepting my place to study a BSc in Broadcast and Media Production at Liverpool John Moores University, but I will not regret who it has made me become, I'm a much better person for going through this, I know more about myself than I ever did, I know more of what I want and more importantly what I don't want, most importantly, I now know that being happy is the one thing that matters above anything else, nothing is at all worth it if happiness isn't in your life. 

My life is truly about to start, I'm about to move forward with life and that's the most exciting thing that I have ever experienced. No longer will I accept the unhappiness that I most certainly do not deserve, no more will I do something that I'm not passionate about, no more will I not be myself. The past few months of my life have already progressively got better, with the introduction of new and wonderful people into my life, a wonderfully incredibly boyfriend, a best friend who I can count on like a sister, a family who I can depend on, people who encourage me and inspire me…how can the people in my life get any better? Here's the time to begin concentrating on other aspects of my life, I now have a house to pay for, food to put onto the table, bills to pay for, bank overdrafts to pay back, student loans to payback and a life of adventure, love and happiness to plan for. I have so many plans, so many dreams to achieve, so many things that make me look forward to the future, so many wonderful people in my life that make me look forward to the future. 

The future is coming, it's coming fast and it's coming soon. Things are changing, my life is about to change for the better, it's time to feel like I belong in this world, like I have a place, a purpose. It's time to kick stress out of my life, after all, stressing solves nothing, it just causes problems. 

So here's to the future, here's to the life that I'm going to have, the people that will hopefully be in my life for the longest of time. Here's to who I have become, who I am yet to become and who I am forever destined to be. Here's to having passion, showing kindness and being happy…here's to the life that I deserve, the life that I am going to throw myself into. 

Have a wondeful day my lovelies xoxo

Have courage and be kind

The End Is Nigh

Yesterday I received my invitation to my graduation…

On the 14th July 2015 I will be walking through the doors at The Anglican Cathedral in Liverpool with the biggest grin on my face you will ever see. This is the day I have been anticipating for my entire life, the day I get up in front of many people, some faces familiar, some not, and receive my degree.

It's not news to you that I have hated every single second of my degree, but that doesn't stop me being unbelievably excited to graduate with my BSC in Broadcast and Media Production, it doesn't stop me feeling like I have achieved something, something that will make my loved ones proud.

Ever since the first moment I walked through the doors at the LJMU Byrom Street Campus, the one thing I wasn't looking forward to was graduation. This was mainly due to the fact that before this comes all of the hard work that gets you the degree, the constant battling with assignments and stress induced rage, not to mention the hell that is your final year project and dissertation...

I think this is the first moment I have been able to look past this, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the final hurdle and I am so ready. I'm so excited to see what my life has to offer, I'm so happy to finally be able to get myself into a situation where I am happy and not constantly stressing over the mountain of assignments surrounding me.

It's time for me to get stuck in, it's time for me to make my future happen, to make sure I have a life that I can be truly happy with, the days are coming that I won't forget and I am so ready.

Roll on July 14th 2015! I AM READY!

Watch out world, I'm coming for you!

Until next time

xoxo

Wish I'd Never Grown Up.

Looking around me I can't help but notice how much has changed.

It's quite strange to realise how far people have came in life in such a short period of time. Although it's been just under 5 years since I finished school (thank god) I can honestly say that it doesn't feel like two minutes ago that we were sat on a field drinking a cheap bottle of cider, or walking around in school uniforms dreading the day ahead of us, thinking we were in the worst place in the entire world. Was it really that bad? I mean, I hated school, I really did, but I miss the freedom, the fact that we didn't have a single care in the world. I miss the lack of stress that school involved. 

Quite a lot of people whom I used to know once upon a time now have a partner, finance, or are even  married and that's a great thing for you and I congratulate you, I just can't help but wonder when this will happen for me…although I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up! That could be anything from Film Maker to Forensic Anthropologist, I don't have the slightest clue! 

So much has changed in such a short space of time.

I do have my own house, I have grown up a little bit, give me some credit! I am slowly entering the adult world, I may be living with my best friend and our house may be party central 90% of the week but still! Give credit where credit is due!

Noticing all of the changes people have experienced has given me the ammunition I need to reflect upon my life and who I am. I may not be the girl/women who has been working since they were 16, I may not have a boyfriend/fiancé/husband and I may not be with child, but that doesn't mean I don't encounter some of life's great struggles, trust me, I do! I would honestly say that I have had quite a few struggles in life, each time this has happened, I have fought my way through to the other side, coming out a better person than the moment I started.

I'm now 21 and I should probably start thinking more seriously about my future, although in all honesty? I don't really care what happens, so long as I am happy and have fun in life, that's all I want. That and to travel, but I talk about that way too much. 

I think the most noticeable reason for my lack of knowledge on the adult world is due to the fact that I have spent so much time stuck in the education system that I just haven't got a clue. Since I finished school I went to college and then to university, why you might ask? Because that's what I was told to do. I was told that if I were to go down this route in life, then I would come out on top with the job of my dreams, I was told that if I didn't do this I'd basically become a failure, I did this to make my mother proud, that's all I have ever wanted to do, but should this be making her proud when I am so unhappy? I'm honestly jealous of the people who finished school and decided to take it upon themselves to go and get a job straight away, I wish this was what I had chosen to do, my life would seem to have more meaning, I wouldn't be stuck in the rut I am in now.What I really want is to own my own video production company and if not? I want to teach media, to he honest theres a lot I want to do, I often get confused and feel uncertain about it all.

I'm getting a little sidetracked as usual!

I haven't had the typical 9-5 job (I mean I never want that) I've just had the university life, it's like a none stop party and it's great! I still find bodily functions to be rather humorous and if you ever involve the words "do do" together in a sentence then more fool you because I'm going to be rolling on the floor laughing for a good 10 minutes.

I'm really struggling with the idea of coming to terms with the life I have chosen, I chose to go to university, that's something I did, although other peoples opinions on how my life would turn out without this did influence this decision quite a bit. On the plus side, day drinking and waking up past 12pm are a regular occurrence for me. 

I think it's unfair that during school we are told that the grades we get and what we choose to study at college will determine the rest of our lives. I felt too young then and at 21 I still feel too young, too young to decide where I'm heading in life, too young to decide on a specific career, I don't think it's an easy decision. I fear that I should of worked for a little bit once finishing school, took the time out to decide who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go, I'm just as clueless now as when I was 16.

I have too many dreams in life. Knowing that I probably won't get the chance to live out the majority of them, if any, leaves me unmotivated. I've spent so much time already thinking I was working towards my dream, but now when I stand back and take that moment to really have a good look, I notice that's not the case, I'm not where I want to be, nor am I who I want to be.

Things in my life are going to change. I'm going to start living for me, Im going to start going things that make me happy. When the day I've been longing for (Graduation) comes about, I'm going to commit to being my true self, commit to finding happiness. I don't want to stay stuck in this godforsaken awful place any longer than I have to, I plan on traveling, making a difference in the world. 

Sorry for the rant, I occasionally get a little side tracked…

Happy 7th February, have a lovely day!

xoxo

Motivation is the golden key to success

I've always been someone who doesn't usually force things to happen, I often sit on the sidelines waiting for things to happen, slowly and surely I have been changing this…

University is hard and I honestly wish I had chosen a completely different degree, but I'm now nearly 2 and a half years through my 3 year degree and there's no point failing at the final hurdle. For the entirety of my time at University I have been finding it growingly difficult to become motivated and excited to complete all of my assignments,  I have finally found this motivation…better late than never right? A couple of months back I got the idea into my head of becoming a College Tutor/University Lecturer of Media, but the one thing I didn't do when I was thinking about it was choose to do anything about it…I have just finished filling out my UCAS application for a Postgraduate Teacher Training course at Edge Hill University and I can honestly say I have never been more excited about something in my life. I feel that doing this, choosing to make the decision and actually do something about it, has really given me the motivation to complete my current degree to the best of my abilities, with nothing holding me back…it's time to charge straight ahead!

So, like the title of this blog post says, motivation is the golden key to success. This is a statement that I truly believe, I feel that if you're not motivated you can NOT succeed, you need the motivation to guide you towards the succeeding. 

Speaking about motivation, for my entire life I have hated me and I cannot think of one time or point in my life where I did not. I've been trying ti like myself, even if it's just a little bit, apparently you can't love someone else unless you learn to love yourself, which I kind of agree with, how can you expect someone to love you if you do not love yourself? You wouldn't expect someone to do something you wouldn't do, so why expect them to do this? Anyway…getting a little sidetracked over here. As I was saying, motivation, hating myself, yes, so…(sorry about the rambling) I'm going to take it upon myself to lose weight, to help get to a stage where I might like myself a little. I love going to the gym, I really do, but when I started going, I did stop after a few months, not because I didn't want to go, more because I got distracted, I was busy and once I fell out of the routine I found it so hard to get back into it. The difference I will have this time is the fact that I will have the motivation, I have that on my side and with that, how can I fail? 

Things will change, I'm going to be posting a little list of things I aim to achieve in the next however long…I often post monthly goals onto this blog, but these will be different goals, these will take much longer to achieve, but I will never give up.

Make sure that everything you do in life is for you because if it's not you will never, ever stick to it.

Until next time 

xo 

Life is for living!

Things have been a little different lately.

I have been figuring out so much about myself, about where and who I want to be and I'm actually excited, for the first time in a very long time!

At first, I thought going at life on my own was going to be hard, I thought I was going to fail and just spiral into the state of depression that I have usually gone into in the past, but this time was different. You don't know how happy it makes me to say that things are different, and it's noticeable, they really feel different.

University is really stressful this year, I'm really not going to lie, I'm feeling the pressure already and it's hard. I need to make sure I stay on top of everything, saying that, I haven't finished writing my script yet…It's okay though, I am feeling a lot more motivated than I was a few weeks ago, I have something in life worth fighting for, my career, it's the only thing that matters.

I'm in the process of filling out my UCAS application for further education teacher training courses and I am so excited about this! I have ALWAYS loved the idea of teaching but I never really thought I was good enough, I never thought that I could actually do it…but, I've been thinking about it a lot, why couldn't I do it? There is absolutely no reason to say that I can't and that's exactly why I AM going to do it.

This time next year I will HOPEFULLY have graduated from Liverpool John Moores University with a BSc in Broadcast and Media Production(hopefully a 2.1 or higher) and I will HOPEFULLY be working towards my Teacher Training and I can't wait!

Whilst doing this, I need to work, I want to work, I don't care where, I just want to save, save and save a bit more! Once all of this work is done I am really going to take some much needed time for myself, I'm going to travel for a year and it's going to be wonderful, traveling is the thing in life that makes me most excited and I am going to make it happen, you heard it here first…I WILL BE TRAVELLING IN 2016/2017!

It’s always nice to know what you want in life, but that means nothing unless you’re willing to do something that works towards it, knowing what I want to do is making me a much happier and positive person.

Until next time!

xo

Things are looking up!

It's crazy to think that it's now September, August and the whole of summer has just flew by, it's just passed me by without a notice. Looking back on the previous month it's so weird because some parts seem like they happened forever ago, but some feel like they happened just yesterday.

September beginning means the beginning of the next educational year, so the return to university. I have spent a lot of the summer period feeling bored and just like I haven't really been doing anything worthwhile. I mean, don't get me wrong, there have been some days where i have worked my ass off doing various freelance work for clients and I've really enjoyed that, apart from that I have just been so fed up.

When it's the end of the university year I get really excited for summer, but after about a month I feel really fed up with it. So I'm pretty much excited to go back to university, I can't wait to start feeling productive again.

I would be lying to say that I am not terrified about the fact that this is my last year at uni, this if the first time in my entire life where I don't know what the future holds, I don't know where I am going to be a year from now. The ideas of entering the real world terrified me, yet excites me at the same time, it's all I have wanted for so long. This year is going to be the year I work my hardest and truly make the most of the student life.

My dissertation is by far the most important part of my degree and it's going to be a really different project to take on, especially knowing i can create anything and bring one of my ideas to life.

Aside from university, over the past few days I've actually been getting a lot of freelance photography and videography work for the future which I can't wait to do. Some of it will be really different because it's something i haven't done before so I can't wait for the new experiences. I'm actually photographing a wedding on Friday, i find weddings so magical and being such a hopeless romantic I find weddings to be the closest thing possible in life to a fairytale and I just cannot wait.

Here's my showreel for 2014 so far!

I've really been enjoying building up my portfolio, it's nice to know that I am doing something that makes me happy but makes other people happy too.

xo

The future is so bright, I gotta wear shades!

I cannot wait for my life to begin properly.

As someone who is now 20 years old, I find that I don't feel like my life has properly began yet due to the fact that I have never been out of education. So many people at my age have full time jobs, some have houses and some even have children. I haven't really found myself thinking about this. I personally still don't feel like I'm old enough to even dream about having a child anytime soon.

I have experience so much in my life, but there is still so much left to experience, I haven't experienced half as much as I want to.

I have so many goals in life, maybe too many, but it's nice to dream big.

One thing I never want to do in life is ever leave behind people whom I love, and as my life moves forward I aim to do everything in my power to ensure that doesn't happen.

I've always thought about the future, for as long as I can remember and it always ended with the same scenario and ideas, living abroad.

Now that I am 20 and I properly understand all the implications of this, I have realised I don't think I would move abroad in my young life, I'd like to spend a few months here and there, maybe even a year, but never a permanent move, not whilst I am young anyway.

I have had so long to think about my life and to figure out what I want from the future and what I want to put into it, so many things have helped me to understand what I truly want.

I cannot life to start my life properly, by going into university I have taken an extra 3 years to work on my education and to figure out what I want. I do believe attending uni was the best decision to me and knowing that I am now going into my third year makes me so proud and I don't think I have ever been proud of myself.

Although moving abroad whilst I'm young is a bad idea, I do want to move across country, I don't want to be stuck in a little town for the rest of my life, I belong in the city.

There will come a time in my life when I feel although I have done most of which I want, which leads me to where I want to be when I am much, much older, when I have travelled the world and spent many years doing what I love, I aim to be living in Venice, one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

Don't dream small, and don't ignore your dreams…live them.

xo

Nothing lasts forever

I've just this week applied for my student finance, for the last time. It's actually really scary knowing that this is my final year at Uni.

I'm really worried about it to be honest, not just because I'll be finishing my degree and entering the big bad world, but because of how important my final year it.

I'm scared that I won't come out with the degree I want, I don't want to disappoint myself and most importantly my family.

The month of August is just around the corner and I haven't yet got a solid idea for my dissertation. It's not that I am short of ideas; it's more that I have far too many ideas and just can't settle on one. I need to choose the best one, the one I can do the greatest and it's the hardest thing choosing, especially when I'm not really a decision maker.

I need my dissertation to be the greatest work I have ever created. I want it to be something that makes me proud to call it my work, The film length must be at least 20 minutes; I find it so hard working with such specific lengths because it just means I can't do specific things.

I hate having all of these worries, the worrying of University, money and life in general. The future absolutely terrifies me. I am so afraid of the unknown. I mean don't get me wrong, I am excited to see what the future holds for me, but I'm so scared of filming out at the same time. I wish that I didn't have all of these worries. I wish I was still a little kid, running around without a care in the world. I don't think we knew how lucky we were. I'd give anything to go back, to not have all of this stress on my shoulders. I wish I had never grown up.

As a child all I ever wanted to do was grow up, but now I have reached the stage where I would give anything to go back. How were we to know that life would be like this? How were we to know that it would be so hard and challenging? I miss the freedom, seeing my friends all of the time and nor caring about how much money was in my pocket.

WHY CAN'T LIFE JUST BE SIMPLE?

I mean, I'm not complaining, well maybe I am just a little, but life is good right now, it really is. It's better than it has been in a long time, but I'm still so scared. I'm just a natural worrier. I can't help it, I worry about anything and everything. I'm actually quite a negative person, although not a lot of people will notice that. I'm really pessimistic. I can never look forward to the good things because I always worry about it going wrong, surely that's better than being disappointed? At least if I think negatively then I wont be too disheartened.

I hope to enjoy life more in the future, I just need my life to pan out the way I want it too, I need to know what's going to happen in the future, then I can start enjoying it.
xo

Howdy!

Hey guys! so this is the first post on my nice shiny new blog! This is just a quick one so that I can introduce myself to the world of blogging.

I've never had a blog like this, my past blogs have always been quite silly and random, just rambling about things I love, but this time I wanted to do it differently. I wanted to do this seriously. So again, hey there, I'm Ashleigh, I guess it's good for you to know my name right?…

i'm a 20 year old University student, I'm currently studying Broadcast and Media Production at Liverpool John Moores University…and that's well, interesting to say the least.
I'm a film fanatic in anyway possible...
I'm actually just about to go into my third year, this course has been really challenging so far, I've almost gave up multiple times, but I' still here and I'm determined to get to the finish line

I have a love of journalism and photography, I bet you would never have guessed?

So…I'm going to be blogging once maybe even twice a week, about random topics

I'll be basically reporting on a topic and then supporting with photographs, it will be quite an interesting thing to attempt.

As well as this I'll be commenting on various obstacles I go through during my day to day life, such as Uni, work and what life is like trying to become a Videographer/Photographer as well as any obstacles I encounter completing my dissertation. 

Well, this is me and I will see you again shortly! 

xo